


Adore

by Kenkaya



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Love Triangles and Heartbreak, Non-con Kagura/Naraku, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, References to Suicide, Self-Harm, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-12 02:55:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/806354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenkaya/pseuds/Kenkaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naraku controlled Kagura with more than her heart. After his death, she is still plagued by nightmares and irrational fears. What will a heartbroken (and still vengeful) Kouga do when he stumbles across her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bullet With Butterfly Wings

**Author's Note:**

> I starting writing and posting this fic on FF.net ages ago... before the Inuyasha manga had ended and even before the infamous Chapter 374. As a result of this, there are quite a few inconsistencies with canon. I decided to post it here for archiving purposes and because (while it's still unfinished after several years on hiatus) I'm actually pretty damn proud of it. I do plan to finish someday since I love this pairing and the storyline. Even after such a long break, it won't leave my head. All the song lyrics are from Smashing Pumpkins songs since their music was highly inspirational- heck, the fic title itself comes from one of their album titles. Lyrics will be incorporated into every future chapter as well.

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

_-The world is a vampire_  
 _Sent to drain_  
 _Secret destroyers_  
 _Hold you up to the flame-_

“Kagura!”

It was over. After two long years the fight was finally over. Two years of pain and control became memory in an instant. Kagura gasped, nearly dropping her fan at the wave of lightheaded relief that swept across her, releasing the burden of so many fears. 

“Kagura!” 

Her name, more a curse on his lips, the last words he spoke. Naraku laid there, his eyes cold and skin pale. Life pulsed out of him in an expanding crimson puddle, stained black by his soul. He looked up at her, the betrayer, the one who struck the final blow. He smiled. 

Kagura shuttered, the state of mind she had grown so accustom to these past years crashed back down on her in a single breath. Clawing, screaming, struggling to feel the air of freedom she barely had a chance to taste. He promised so much with one cruel smile. Naraku was pain, fear, and supremacy. He was the devil and his smile reflected every one of Kagura’s nightmares. Nightmares she never dreamed of until a few months ago.

A light pink glow surrounded them. Naraku choked and stilled. Finally, the end had come. The Shikon no Tama shone above the battlefield, complete. The sphere floated down gently into the waiting arms of the young priestess named Kagome. The hanyou, Inuyasha stood behind her, clawed hands gently supporting her weary human body. Kagura saw the bloodstains on his fire rat clothes and knew the hanyou must be having trouble holding himself up, let alone the girl. The simple act of endearment touched her.

A flash of light. White. Pure. Kagura’s bright red eyes widened at the intensity of power that flooded her. She felt herself fall. When her vision cleared, she lay prostrate on the ground, the elaborate kimono Naraku dressed her in soiled. She didn’t care.

Badum.

Kagura started, unaccustomed to the strange pressure in her breast.

Badum.

The sensation was different, not unpleasant. She marveled as the muscles in her chest constricted and expanded in new ways, filling her with tingling warmth. Her lungs filled with more resolve then ever before. Her body gulped air hungrily; desperate to feed the young beat. So this is what it felt like to have a heart. 

“Your turn, bitch!”

_-And what do I get_  
 _For my pain_  
 _Betrayed desires_  
 _And a piece of the game-_

Kagura didn’t bother to sit up at the voice. Only one person spoke to her with such passionate hatred. 

“Kouga! Wait!” a tired voice pleaded.

Kagura looked up in surprise. The priestess leaned against Inuyasha’s chest, his arms protectively wrapped around her frail form. Tessaiga lay forgotten on the ground. Lord Sesshoumaru stood behind them, supported by a gnarled tree trunk, pristine silver hair disarrayed as he panted slightly from the exertion. To their right, the youkai exterminator had curled into a ball, openly weeping as she mourned the lost youth named Kohaku. The cursed monk knelt beside her, a gentle hand rubbing circular motions against her shaking shoulders. But what captured Kagura’s attention was the brash wolf youkai who approached her with death in his eyes. Eyes such a pure blue. He loomed over her, imposing, the loss he faced at her hands and the thirst for vengeance radiated off him in waves. 

Kagura was afraid. Fear smacked her with such force she held back tears. She had only cried for one thing. Her ruby irises flicked over to the corpse behind the wolf with disgust. She turned her gaze back to Kouga, locking with his determined stare. A new emotion bubbled up and broke across her conscience. As she stared into infinite blue, she couldn’t name the feeling, but she suddenly felt bad. Before she knew it, Kagura found herself wishing she had never massacred the wolf clan. She wished with a vengeance that she could take back every harmful deed she ever committed against these people. Every sin. But she knew deep down she could never take back her actions, no matter how despicable, and it hurt. Yes, it was pain; not the physical pain she felt from Tessaiga on more than one occasion, or the mental agony she went through when Naraku first touched her. Her lip trembled. Confusion led to unproportional measures of panic but her gaze never wavered. Kouga smirked at the wind youkai. 

“What’s the matter, woman? Afraid to die?”

Kagura stiffened at his tone. Her fingers fisted into the silk of her skirt. Her mouth worked ahead of her mind, falling back on the old defense.

_-Even though I know_  
 _I suppose I’ll show_  
 _All my cool and cold_  
 _Like old job-_

“Die by your hands? I gave the bastard more credit than that!” Kagura sniffed, her body language referring to Naraku.

“Eh? The bitch still has some fight in ‘er!” Kouga sneered. He stepped back into a fighting stance and cracked his knuckles threateningly. Kagura saw the wobble of his knees where he stood. She felt her own tired body, still overwhelmed by the sensation of a beating heart. True, he was in no condition to fight, but she was even more helpless. 

“Do you really think I’d let you kill me? Now that I’m finally FREE OF THAT SON OF A BITCH?!” Kagura wanted to stitch her lips together, make the noises spilling from her stop. She didn’t want to say those things! She wanted to beg forgiveness, bow on her knees like the beast she was- plead for her life. She was going to die. She didn’t want to die! Moisture rose unbidden from her eyes to collect in the corners. The emotions were muddled and strong. So strong. Still, her face smirked at the wolf, taunting with words that stabbed her as much as him. She couldn’t stop it. Her body had a will of its own. Another nightmare to add to the list. 

Kouga stepped forward and stumbled, eyes lidded with exhaustion. Cold, maniacal laughter issued from her throat, echoing his weakness. Kagura never hated herself more than she did now. Never felt so ugly. 

_-Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage-_

“Kouga, please,” the kind feminine voice beseeched again. Kagura turned her gaze to the priestess in Inuyasha’s arms. Her blue-grey eyes shone with mercy, like Kikyou’s did once, but different. Kikyou, the only one other than Naraku to see her cry. The girl’s eyes held the same sympathy and conciliation but with a life and purity her former incarnate lacked, especially now. The aura of the girl called Kagome radiated everything Kagura was not. She cared, she understood, she forgave, she loved; Kagura felt even dirtier in her presence. Dirtier than Naraku ever made her feel. Perhaps even more so because of him. 

_-Now I’m naked  
Nothing but an animal-_

“Kagome! This woman killed nearly half my pack! This is revenge!”

“I killed your pack? Stupid wolf, you have no one but Naraku and your own gullibility to blame for that!” Kagura scoffed.

_-But can you fake it  
For just one more show-_

“Damn woman! I’ll rip your throat out!” Kouga roared, adrenaline pushing back his fatigue. Kagura swallowed. This was it. She wanted to laugh bitterly.

“Kouga! She saved our lives! She killed Naraku!” Kagome tried again, her voice beginning to fail.

“That means nothing!”

“For God’s sake! We would have been dead if she didn’t do that, you damn wolf. Use common sense!” Inuyasha shouted back, taking over for the young priestess. 

“We’ll talk about it later, mutt. When I beat the shit out of you for putting your hands on my woman like that!”

“She’s ready to pass out, dumbass!”

Kouga ignored him, attention focused back on Kagura. The wind user looked back into his spiteful eyes. She felt so worthless. So empty. She created that. Again, the urge to laugh came over her. How ironic, for years she prayed for freedom only to realize she didn’t deserve it. He raised his claws. She didn’t blame him. The moisture in her eyes grew, blurring her vision, threatening to spill.

Oh, God. She didn’t want to die. Even if she had it coming.

_-And what do you want  
I want to change-_

“Kouga,” Kagome began after catching her breath. “She saved us. She didn’t have to. She deserves a second chance.”

“Don’t be stupid! Nobody gets second chances!”

Kagura couldn’t help it anymore. The frenzy of emotions inside her was more than she could take. As Kouga leaned in, a single tear fell from her right eye, trailing lazily across the contours of her cheek. The wolf youkai stared, his eyes following the insignificant drop for a moment. 

“What about you, Kouga-kun? What about the second chance I gave you?”

_-And what have you got  
When you feel the same-_

Kouga stared at Kagura accusingly. His nose wrinkled as the stench of salt hit his senses, realizing for the first time just how many tears hid behind the shield of her hard ruby eyes. Her lips parted, moving silently, as if she didn’t have the will too speak.

“Why?”

Kagura winced at the command. She dare not hope the loss of hardness was anything but her imagination. 

“Why?” she answered in a horse whisper.

“What else, woman? Why did you save us?”

Kagura snorted, her other self taking over once again, “do you honestly think I served him because I wanted to? I wanted that bastard dead as much as you. Nobody can control the wind!”

_-Even though I know_  
 _I suppose I’ll show_  
 _All my cool and cold_  
 _Like old job-_

Kagura sat up, leaning on her arms, the weight of her body causing the feeble limbs to shake. She lifted her chin with feinted dignity. Her own actions made her want to throw up.

“You can’t touch me,” she hissed.

Whack!

Kagura reeled from the force of Kouga’s blow, finally crumpling into a convoluted heap on the ground. A thin stream of blood dribbled drown her chin as she lay still. A hard foot connected with her gut. Pain. More blood trickled from parted lips. Another tear fell through the filter.

“K… Kouga!” Kagome gasped. Inuyasha cradled the fainting girl to his body, his amber eyes narrowed at the wolf youkai as he beat relentlessly on Kagura’s vulnerable form, venting the anger stewing inside him for nearly two years. Kagura whimpered as a violent cough hacked up flecks of scarlet. 

“Enough,” the cool voice of Sesshoumaru interjected. “Is this your revenge? Beating on a helpless woman after she spares your life? There is no honor or satisfaction in that.”

“This slut isn’t helpless!” Kouga snorted. “Isn’t that right? Why don’t you pull the little stunt you did with my men? Huh? HUH?!” He gave her head another kick, snapping her neck painfully. He lifted his foot again when his eyes caught strange movement. Kagura was shaking, trembling with unrestrained fear. The strong musk of the emotion was thick around her.

“I… please… d… don’t touch me,” she whispered fervently. Kouga peered into her unfocused red eyes. She didn’t see him. Naraku leered over her. His hand crushed her throat, pressed her into the ground. Prodding. “Please… don’t… not again… d… don’t touch,” and then the world turned black.

_-Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage-_

The long wooden hallway was dark and shadowed. Kagura’s feet padded softly against the smooth planks as she traversed the familiar atmosphere. She headed in no particular direction, knowing where her journey would lead her in the end. 

As she passed Naraku’s chambers, a soft grunt and shuffle of cloth tweaked her curiosity. She paused for a moment, noticing the shoji was open a crack and contemplated peeking in. That was when the scent of his arousal reached her nostrils. She moved on quickly as to not arouse suspicion, knowing full well that Naraku was aware of her presence. 

The cool breeze caressed her pale face and dark hair, pulled up in the usual side bun. She sighed and sat on the stone steps outside the castle. Her eyes wandered the sky, such a crisp blue. Kagura always gained strength from the sky; the wide, vast, untamable expanse. Kagura wanted to be the sky. Naraku would crush her heart if she ever tried.

Naraku; the sly bastard bound forever by his hatred for the hanyou, Inuyasha, and the priestess Kikyou. Kagura snorted. This was not the first time she had stumbled across Naraku pleasuring himself, unable to keep the base desires of Onigumo at bay. Much as Naraku scoffed that the human he was born from had died, the illusion shattered every time he appeased Onigumo’s needs. Every time he released the human’s lust for Kikyou. He disgusted Kagura. At least she held no fabricated lies about her hated existence. She knew where her heart was.

Two white sandaled feet approached Kagura. She looked up into the expressionless face of her sister, Kanna, cold black eyes contrasted sharply with her alabaster skin. The child-like girl lowered herself and sat against the screen, mirror in lap as she stared into space. Kagura grumbled and left. Something about Kanna just unnerved her. Perhaps it had something to do with the girl being made of nothingness. Once again, Kagura found herself trekking the hallways. To her surprise, she stopped in front of the entrance to the bathhouse. Kagura stepped inside and shut the door behind her. A bath didn’t sound like a bad idea.

The warm water soaked into her pores, lapped against her cream flesh. Kagura sighed in content. The steam rose like dancing flames, curling around her cheeks. Her ruby eyes closed slowly as she sank into the soothing liquid. Her hair hung loose, billowing around her head like a dark storm cloud. This was bliss, rivaled only by the rush of freedom she felt when she rode on her feather, high above the world.

_-Tell me I’m the only one_  
 _Tell me there’s no other one_  
 _Jesus was an only son_  
 _Tell me I’m the chosen one-_

A shadow fell across her lids. Kagura broke the surface and looked up into the dark gaze of Naraku. Before she could react, he seized her wrists in a bruising grip, forcing her back roughly against the edge of the tub.

“What the Hell are yo…”

He pressed his mouth against hers, silencing any coherent words when his tongue pushed between her parted lips. Kagura bit the intruding object. Hard. Bitter copper filled her mouth, gagging her. Her stomach flipped in protest of the foul taste. More pressure. Naraku chuckled into her, running his bleeding tongue against the roof of her mouth. Kagura kicked. Water splashed out of the tub, slicking the floor. She jerked one hand out of his grasp, the skin already turning a sickly shade of blue-green. Her claws racked across his shoulders, digging into bare flesh. Kagura’s eyes widened as she realized Naraku was adorned only in his hakama. He grabbed the assaulting hand and flung it back to its place. He bent her hand back on the edge: the joint popping loudly. Kagura screamed into him. Finally, he left her mouth. Kagura gasped for breath as his face lowered. He stopped at her left breast, just above the nipple. Where her heart should have been. Kagura was in shock. He bit down, drawing blood. She screamed again.

“No! No! Stop! Stop it! NO!”

Kagura kicked, her knees connecting with flesh. Naraku released her bruised wrists and placed his hands beneath her armpits. He lifted her flailing body and threw her to the floor. Kagura choked as the wind was knocked out of her. Naraku was on top of her before she could gain her breath. He wrapped a hand around her throat and slammed her head to the ground. Kagura cried out as sparks danced across her vision. He began to squeeze. She reached up, clawing his face. Naraku laughed at her futile attempts and leaned down until his lips brushed her pointed ear. 

“You never were faithful like the others. You’re too headstrong. Like her. I’ll show you your place. Such pretty black hair.”

Naraku yanked his fingers through her wet hair, tearing the snarls. Kagura could do nothing but wriggle and scream. Naraku ran his hands down her nude body, pinching and kneading flesh painfully. The movements and sensations became a blur of agony to Kagura. She fought back with a ferocity and strength she didn’t believe herself possible of. Naraku punished her for it. The flat of his palm hit her nose. She felt the bone snap. Blood, filling her, choking her. 

Oh, God, he was going to kill her!

Then his sick heat enveloped her. Kagura wheezed as she retreated into herself. She went somewhere far away, away from the pain, away from feeling, away from him. She pretended she was the sky. She was vast, untouchable; he couldn’t touch her. 

Kagura came to when she felt cool air on her damp skin. Naraku stood over her, dressing. He gave her one last smile before leaving. Kagura lay on the wet floor, her violated body motionless. She didn’t know what to do. What to think. Salty moisture fell down her cheeks. Tears? Kagura then did the only thing she could; she curled into herself and, for the first time, wept.

_-Jesus was an only son for you-_

A shuffle of cloth caught Kagura’s attention. She lifted her tear stained face to meet the eyes of Kikyou. The woman who provoked Onigumo’s fantasies. The woman who made Naraku feel lust. The woman responsible for her brutal rape. Kagura hissed at the undead priestess, her lips pulled into an animalistic snarl. Blue-grey eyes shone with pity, sympathy, and horror; the only signs of life on her otherwise emotionless mask. Kikyou reached out to the beaten woman, her movements gentle. Kagura didn’t trust her. She scooted back on her knees, hunched over. Her bright ruby eyes pierced the woman savagely. Kikyou rose, her fists clenched.

“I will send him to Hell,” she vowed silently before turning to leave the bathhouse.

Finally, alone, Kagura fell back into herself.

_-Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage-_

Kagura blinked heavy lids open. The sun shone brightly on her twisted figure. She was alone. The scent of Naraku’s decaying body assaulted her senses. A dream.

She sighed in relief. She had never had such a vivid nightmare before. A small pang caused the muscles in her chest to constrict painfully. The memories made her stomach tighten, strengthening the urge to vomit. Her eyes caught his corpse. She couldn’t be near him anymore, it hurt too much. She rose unsteadily, mindful of her injuries and limped away. 

Kagura put as much distance between Naraku and herself as possible. She stumbled on, ignoring pain, gritting her teeth in determination. But his presence never left, still suffocating her. Kagura fell to her knees with a moan of defeat, clawing at the elaborate silk on her sleeves. Tearing the luxurious cloth. She dropped her face into outstretched hands, releasing all the tears she held back before.

It never hurt this much before.

_-And I still believe that I cannot be saved-_

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

TBC…


	2. The Imploding Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five months have passed since Naraku's death... and Kagura struggles to deal with the baggage he left.

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

A bone chilling scream echoed through the woodland. Birds screeched, aroused from their nightly rest. Kagura shot up from her makeshift bed of leaves, panting in a cold sweat. Her camp fire had burned to embers, bathing the clearing in shadows. She shivered.

Kagura had been wandering aimlessly for five months, ever since Naraku’s death. Ever since she received her heart. Every night, she camped in the woods. Every night she prayed her exhaustion would keep the nightmares at bay for another hour. It seemed sometimes she never got a full rest; the dreams were worsening. 

Kagura curled into a fetal position on the ground, shielding herself from the memories. She no longer was naïve enough to believe she would fall back asleep. She watched the breaking of dawn, the sunrise, and pondered her situation. When she still served Naraku, she had nightmares, yes, but not ones nearly vivid enough to disturb her rest. He would have slapped her silent if she ever woke up screaming in the middle of the night. She sighed in frustration. The sky turned a pink-hued blue and Kagura rose. She cleaned up camp, grabbed her few belongings, and continued her journey.

_-Everywhere you are_  
 _Is everywhere you’ve been_  
 _Just lost to the beat_  
 _Punching through your skin-_

Kagura’s sandaled feet shuffled across the dusty road. Aside from now owning her own heart, Kagura had changed her appearance drastically. Her silk kimono had been sold at a village not long after the battle. Despite its spoiled condition, the villagers still accepted the cloth, not being close enough to the main roads to receive such fabric often. Her jade earrings fetched a much higher price. Kagura exchanged these items for a plain, cotton forest green yukata. She fastened the garment with a red obi, tied in a simple knot where she could discreetly tuck her fan. She also purchased flint stones, a spare yukata of a moss hue, and a small sack to carry them in. Her hair had been released from its former side bun and tied at the nape of her neck with a strip of cloth. Her feathers stuck out at odd ends through the crude ribbon. The only mark left that connected her to Naraku and her former self was the spider scar still etched across her back. 

Noise reached her pointed ears as the morning sun rose higher. A few minutes later, Kagura deduced that it was a group of men with a cart. Before she knew it, Kagura had her fan in her hands. They were trembling.

Human figures appeared on the road ahead of her. Kagura steeled herself, clutching the fan, her only weapon, in a death grip. Knuckles burned white, but in her concentrated panic, she didn’t notice the tell-tale pain. Laughter rang through her ears and her youkai eyes began to distinguish the features on their faces. She quickly scanned the heads for a body count. Twelve men. More laughter. 

Naraku laughed as he leered over her. He laughed at her eyes, wide with fright. He laughed at her mouth, cursing him. But most of all, he laughed because she was powerless and she knew it. He knew she did. 

Kagura gasped. Resolve gone, she darted for the cover of the trees. She crouched in the bushes, shaking, letting silent tears drip to the ground as the men passed. She curled into a ball, hugging her fan like a lifeline. Her weapon. Their carefree laughter pierced her, taunted her. She bit her tongue to hold back a strangled sob. Why wouldn’t Naraku die? 

_-You don’t know what to do_  
 _But still you want to crawl_  
 _All through the broken glass_  
 _That’s everywhere you are-_

She waited until the men were a good distance. Waited until she could no longer hear their laughter. When the coast was clear, she crawled out of her hiding place and, after dusting off her yukata, continued on her way.

The sun crested and dipped into afternoon. Kagura heard sounds of human activity. She was approaching a settlement. When it finally came into view, Kagura realized it was an army camp. Filled with men. Kagura unconsciously slipped her fan out again. There was no escaping this one. She walked past the camp; slow and steady, plopping one foot in front of the other, one breath at a time. Her hand twitched, ready to flip open her fan. Her feet itched, braced to bolt at the slightest movement. 

“Hey there, gorgeous,” one of the men called. Another whistled appreciatively. Kagura felt sweat break out over her skin, sheathing her body in a moist sheen. 

“Kagura?”

Kagura looked up into the forlorn gaze of Kikyou as she rose from her patient. Kagura stepped back, eyes darting. Those eyes- the memory, the pain. 

Oh, God. She couldn’t do this.

Kikyou moved toward her as Kagura hurriedly reached for a feather with trembling fingers. She yanked out a few black strands with the object in her hast. She jumped onto the enchanted feather as the winds carried it away. Kikyou ran after her, calling her name. Kagura didn’t look back. 

Kagura sighed as the breeze pulled her bangs back, played with her ponytail. The clouds floated lazily above her. She soared above the earth. Free. Unrestrained. Even now, the sky was her inspiration.

The sky faded to twilight and Kagura landed back on the barren road. After a couple miles, she found a reasonable clearing and set up camp. With her wind blades, she made short work of a decent sized bird and started a fire with a spit. The evening wore on and Kagura settled to a decent meal. When she was done, she threw the remains into the fire, gathering leaves and loose grass into a makeshift bed. The ordeal earlier left her mentally drained. Perhaps she would sleep through the night. Kagura snorted. That was only wishful thinking. 

The sound of galloping horse hooves roused Kagura from her half-sleep state. She briefly wondered what a traveler was doing on the road so late, and placed her arm within easy reach of her fan. The horse and its rider broke through the clearing. Kagura’s red eyes widened.

“I was hoping you would stick to this road,” Kikyou said in her calm way. 

“Wha… what do you want,” Kagura gasped. She suddenly found it increasingly difficult to breath. Kikyou watched her with those blue-grey eyes. Pitiful eyes. Just like when…

“Stop… stop looking at me like that,” Kagura begged.

“Like what?” the undead priestess cocked her head quizzically. 

“Just… like… don’t look at me with those eyes. I don’t want pity. I don’t want to remember. Please.”

Kikyou nodded as she dismounted, “I understand. It seems you have discovered the double-edged sword a heart can be.”

“What would you know about having a heart?!” Kagura spat defensively. 

“I have asked myself that very question many times these past months, and I am ashamed of the answers I find. My incarnate has succeeded where I can only fail. That is what I know of the heart.”

Kagura returned the priestess steady gaze, shocked out of her inner turmoil by words she never thought would leave the undead woman’s lips. 

“What? What happened?” Kagura sputtered.

A ghost of a smile fluttered across Kikyou’s cold features, “I had a little run in with Inuyasha and his woman, not long after Naraku was defeated,” she began. “He was injured quite seriously. She was caring for him when I stumbled across them.”

_-Your love must always be true  
Your love must always be you-_

Kikyou strolled through the hut entrance confidently. Kaede was gone, the kit with her, and the exterminator had gone her separate way with the monk the other day. The only one who lay between her and her goal was her foolish incarnate. The girl named Kagome knelt by the hanyou’s side, dabbing a wet cloth against his forehead. The unconscious half-youkai seemed strangely at peace. Kikyou brushed it aside. 

“You know why I’m here.”

Kagome didn’t turn to acknowledge her, nor register surprise. So the little wench had sensed she was there? Kikyou made a mental note not to underestimate the girl’s power, even if she had next to no training. 

“Yes.”

Kikyou started at the girl’s sudden admission. She narrowed her eyes in self-disapproval and steeled her expression. This child would not get the best of her.

“Then move aside.”

Kagome shook her raven locks and turned to stare Kikyou in the eye. The pre-incarnate nearly stepped back at the blind devotion and self-sacrifice shining in those grey eyes, more blue than her own. Again she composed herself. Fists clenched determinately at her side.

“Move, child. Inuyasha’s life is mine to forfeit. It has been mine for over fifty years. You have no claim on him.”

Again Kagome shook her head, “I will not leave him as long as he needs me.”

“He does not need you. I will care for him. I have much more experience than you in these matters. He has promised his soul to me and I have come to collect.”

Kagome’s eyes flicked to Inuyasha’s prone form with a gaze so openly affectionate, Kikyou was again at a loss. The girl was an open book. If her body language meant anything, Kikyou’s reincarnation had fallen in love with Inuyasha as well. And if Kikyou knew anything about love, this girl would not give up without a fight. The walking-dead priestess prepared to battle for the love denied her fifty years ago.

“If that is what he desires. I hope he finds the happiness he never had before with you, Kikyou.” 

Kikyou was stunned speechless as Kagome began to rise from her position beside Inuyasha. Wasn’t the girl going to fight for what was hers? Oh, well this made things much easier. She certainly didn’t expect Inuyasha’s arm to dart out and grab the hem of Kagome’s short green skirt as she stirred, golden eyes glazed and half open.

“Don’t go… K’gome,” he muttered almost desperately before falling back against the crude mattress of straw, oblivious to the world. Kagome forced her weight back on her knees and continued her gentle ministrations. 

“I said move, girl!” Kikyou hissed.

“And I said I would not leave as long as he needs me,” Kagome replied, not intimidated in the slightest. Kikyou fumed.

“He doesn’t need you! The only reason he calls for you is because he sees me in you! He has always seen me!”

“I might have believed that a few months ago, Kikyou. I might have believed it now, if he didn’t call my name,” Kagome responded with a sad smile to Kikyou. “If he calls for you, I will send him to you without regret, and only then.”

“You love him don’t you? You truly are pathetic, incarnate, if you would give up your heart so easily. I would have never let him go.”

“You’re such a sad person, Kikyou. Inuyasha was sad once too. My only wish is to see the sorrow gone from his eyes. He deserves it. No matter how much I love him, I would never force him to stay with me because his unshed tears would kill me. You understand, don’t you? Of course you do. You love him too.”

“I…” Kikyou was stuck dumb. She didn’t know how to respond. All she knew is that she was drawn to this girl’s… warmth, there was no other term for it. This girl, who continued to care for Inuyasha’s wounds while she poured out her feelings for him and prepared to let him go for his… happiness? Yes, she loved Inuyasha; she wanted to be happy with him. He would be happy if she was, right? Of course, he loved her too.

“He will be happy with me,” Kikyou responded, but with less resolve. Why did this girl make her doubt? 

“I hope so,” Kagome smiled brightly. Kikyou turned toward her, noticing something for the first time.

“Where is the Shikon no Tama? I do not sense its aura.”

“Oh,” Kagome bowed her head. “It disappeared.”

“Disappeared?”

“Yes, after the battle with Naraku. It floated above the battle field and when Naraku fell, it started to drift down to me. When the jewel touched my skin, there was a bright flash of white light and when I opened my eyes the Shikon was just… gone. Like it never existed.” 

“It must have granted a wish, that is the only explanation I can think of,” Kikyou pondered. A knowing smile caused her lips to twitch. “See? You could not live your life with Inuyasha anyway. The Shikon jewel no longer exists to turn him into a human. He will be happier with me,” she said more confidently.

“I don’t care about that.”

Kikyou arched an eyebrow, “then your love really is childish.”

“Is it so childish to just love someone?”

Again, Kikyou’s mask fell.

“Consider this, Kikyou, how happy would Inuyasha be as a human?”

“What do you know, girl? He would be much happier, he would be accepted. That’s why he agreed to it in the first place.”

“He agreed because he was lonely and hoped he had finally found solace. He loved you. And I don’t think he would have been truly accepted. It’s hard for the villagers to trust him now, even after all the good he’s done for them. Tolerance is the most he can expect from them. Human, youkai, or hanyou; he is still Inuyasha. Nothing would change. I’ve seen him when he’s human, he has black hair, violet eyes, and normal ears with no claws or fangs; but he’s still Inuyasha. It doesn’t take much imagination to see what he once was. They would know him and hate him just as much for what he once was,” Kagome reached down to brush her fingers through unruly, white bangs. Stray tears began to slide down her cheeks. “Why are people so fickle? So much pain, I don’t blame him for hating humans. I don’t blame him for hating when he becomes one. Did you know that, Kikyou? He hates it when he becomes human. It scares him, as if the self-centered jerk would admit it.”

Kikyou could only stare after the light-hearted insult. This girl, her reincarnation, was crying for him. Kikyou felt the raw emotion, the honest love radiating off Kagome in waves, and she ached for it. She longed to fill the void long established in her heart. Inuyasha had lessened the pain, but he could not eradicate it. Kikyou thought that if she were able to live an unburdened life, if she could be with him forever it would go away. But for some reason, she needed what Kagome had to offer and deep down inside, she knew it was what she had been looking for in Inuyasha. She stared at Inuyasha’s inhuman body. Kagome’s words repeated in her head like a broken tape-recorder. They were overlapped by every insight into Inuyasha’s life she ever heard, some his words, some not. Realization crept over her and set her soul free. She smiled one of her calm, kind smiles at Inuyasha and voiced her answer.

“He’s too much like me.”

Kagome stared at the priestess quizzically and Kikyou turned her smile to the young girl. She felt more alive then she ever had, in life or death.

“When Inuyasha awakes, tell him he was the best friend I ever had. I wish him the happiness he gave me and more.”

Kagome watched mutely as Kikyou spun around and walked out of their lives.

“And one more thing,” Kikyou called back to Kagome. “Never leave him. His heart needs yours as much as mine does.” 

_-Everywhere you go_  
 _Anywhere you go_  
 _Even if you’re starved_  
 _It matters what you do_  
 _But even if you’ve gone to far_  
 _You can follow you-_

Kagura gaped as Kikyou finished her tale. The undead priestess shifted her weight as she sat by the fire, staring into the flickering depths. Kagura shut her jaws and remembered that fateful day five months ago.

“I know how you feel.”

“Excuse me?” Kikyou questioned.

“After… _he_ fell, I saw them. That girl, she looks straight into your soul. And Inuyasha held up her tired body. It was so tender, so brutally honest.”

“That is the only love she can offer,” Kikyou agreed. “I could only give kindness and sympathy. She gives that and so much more. That is why she truly holds his heart, I could not have possible melted another’s heart if I could not melt my own. In a strange way, I’m glad Naraku deceived us. Yes, it was painful, but Inuyasha would not have found her otherwise. Us, we were too alike in our sorrow, a romance would have destroyed us in the end with frustration. Neither of us would have been completely happy. I still love him, but it’s different,” at this she chuckled good naturedly. “Perhaps my incarnate has learned from my mistakes. I can go peacefully now. I just have one more duty. And one regret.”

“Oh?” Kagura inquired. Despite the zombie-woman’s confession, Kagura still held some deep rooted resentment for Kikyou. Her skin tingled with the sensation of Naraku’s hands. Hands that used her instead of Kikyou. 

“My duty to Inuyasha and his young woman is done. Naraku is dead. The only thing that holds me here is you.”

“Me?”

“Yes,” Kikyou nodded sagely. “I saw you. You didn’t have your heart yet, and he still made you cry. You were so broken, like a cornered animal. Even for a sadistic monster like him, that was unforgivable. You deserved the final blow. And I come to make peace. That is my final duty.”

“What peace could you give possibly give me?! Naraku was a bastard. I don’t need to remember that and I don’t want to! Make you peace by leaving!” Kagura spat.

“I understand your pain.”

“No you don’t!”

_-Everywhere you are_  
 _And in your mind_  
 _You were alone_  
 _All this time-_

“Pain comes in many forms,” Kikyou sighed. “It doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

Kagura turned away, unable to say anything in defense. Bitterness rose in her like bile, burning her tongue. She pitied Kikyou, Hell, she even sympathized with her, and she knew Kikyou was not to blame for Naraku’s actions. She could see the guilt in her words. Why was it so hard to forgive?

“I do not expect you to forgive me,” Kagura’s head jerked at the sudden insight. “I never did.”

“You’re right, Kikyou, I don’t forgive you,” Kagura began slowly. “But I do understand.”

“That is the first step,” the priestess nodded. “In truth, that is all I allowed myself to hope for. I did not come for forgiveness, I came for peace.”

“I see,” Kagura stared up into the starry night, lit by the waning moon. “Where will you go now, if all your purpose is gone?”

“I still have purpose. My purpose is atonement. I stopped feeding off souls a while ago. This clay body is wasting away without them and I only hope to heal as much as I can before that happens. I was on my way anyway when you appeared. I will follow this road until the next town and continue my penance until my time on this plain is ended. Then I will continue my purpose in Hell. That is all I live for now. Purpose is all we ever live for. Purpose and companionship.” 

“What if you have neither?” Kagura gulped uncertainly. “What is your purpose then?”

Kikyou smiled knowingly, “then your purpose is to find it. Isn’t that what you are attempting now with your travels?”

“I suppose so,” Kagura shrugged, lowering her gaze from the sky. “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for.”

“That is the point of looking.”

“It’s late,” Kagura stated. “I… I don’t mind if you rest here for the night.”

“I am honored by your courtesy.”

Kagura merely nestled back into her bed and shut her eyes to the clay woman. 

_-With everything you were_  
 _And every smile you wore_  
 _Still locked in your heart_  
 _Everywhere you are-_

Kagura didn’t wake up screaming this time. She bolted up in a cold sweat; taking deep breaths to remind herself that Naraku was not suckling her exposed neck anymore. She felt traces of dry salt on her cheeks; she had been crying in her sleep again. Kagura shuttered and saw Kikyou sleeping lightly against a tree across from her. She stared at the priestess as the woman’s breathe deepened. A sting of jealousy hit Kagura. Even after Naraku’s deceit, Kikyou could still sleep. 

A light moan startled Kagura and it took her a few minutes to realize the sound had issued from the priestess’ lips. A small twitch spasmed the muscles of her face before she relaxed again, seemingly content. The small display made Kagura wonder; just what did the undead woman dream? 

She remembered standing in Naraku’s chambers. The unnatural hanyou was not extremely vocal, preferring the silence to scheme, however, he did brag on occasion; mostly to boost reputation and fear. Kikyou and Inuyasha seemed to frequent his boasts, especially Kikyou. Kagura mentally snorted, probably some twisted reassurance to the outside world that he held none of Onigumo’s inhibitions. How ironic. 

From what Kagura gathered, Kikyou had been a pure woman. She dedicated her life to the art of her trade. She was compassionate by nature but not by purpose. Her purpose was to fight youkai, and afterwards, defend the Shikon no Tama. She blocked out all emotion, all human weakness, to make herself an almost unbeatable warrior. Her walls were carefully constructed in the mask she wore everyday to face the world. She was untouchable. It all crumbed for one hanyou, who bought out all the desires boiling beneath the surface. Kikyou’s words repeated themselves in her head.

 _“Us, we were too alike in our sorrow, a romance would have destroyed us in the end with frustration. Neither of us would have been happy. I still love him, but it’s different.”_

Yes, Kikyou had pushed away youkai because of her purpose; she pushed away her own kind for strength. But she remembered Kagome, who fought with her emotions, who used them to bring her a different strength. Kagura had watched the young girl laugh with the exterminator, tease the monk, hold the youkai child, and pine over the hanyou. She didn’t protect her travel companions because of purpose, she did it because she loved them. Kagura examined Kikyou’s face once more, so alike and yet so different. Kikyou may have had silent strength, but she did not have the passion her reincarnation did: the drive that lead Kagome to lengths only accomplished by selfless desperation.

_-Everywhere you are  
Every single chard-_

“Sango-chan!”

Kagura watched from the sidelines as Naraku sent Kohaku ahead. The young boy’s chained scythe arched smoothly through the air, biting deep into his sister’s skin. The exterminator clutched at the bleeding wound, eyes wide with more emotions than Kagura could count. At the fore was pain. Unbelievable pain. 

“Sango-chan,” Kagome called again, arrow notched in her bow.

“No,” the exterminator replied softly in an obviously suppressed voice, pushing away the monk who ran forward to help her. “I need to handle him on my own.”

“I see.”

Naraku chuckled, erasing any perceptions of good nature associated with the action. Kagura almost shuddered at the memory his laughter ignited. Before anyone could react, a single brown tentacle shot forward, impaling the dog-eared hanyou’s right shoulder.

“INUYASHA!”

The brown limb exploded. An arrow landed in the ground with a slight aura of pink glowing around the shaft. Kagura looked to see Kagome standing in front of Inuyasha, another arrow notched. Anger, determination and worry shone in her blue-grey orbs. 

“Naraku! I won’t let you touch him!” her tone hinted no argument. “You won’t touch him!”

“Kagome!” 

Another tentacle stabbed forward, aimed at her breast. She shot her arrow. Missed.

“Kagome!” Inuyasha sprung from the ground and shoved her down. Without a second thought, she fisted her hands in his red haori and pulled him down with her. The projectile clipped over his silver hair. She gasped as his weight sprawled over her. 

“Stupid girl!” Inuyasha exclaimed as he lifted himself. 

“How dare you attack my woman!” Kouga screamed. He ran forward and aimed a flying kick at Naraku, missing how Inuyasha gently pulled Kagome up from the ground. Not pausing to catch her breath, she readied an arrow. Her face was scrunched in even more determination. Determination to make sure her words rung true.

Her eyes said it all. She would not let Naraku touch Inuyasha again. 

_-Everywhere you are_  
 _You’re never too far_  
 _Cause anywhere you’d go_  
 _Even to the stars_  
 _All you have to do_  
 _Is play the part of who you are_  
 _The rest is up to you-_

“Kagura?”

Kagura snapped out of her thoughts, pushing the memory away. The sky was dimly lit and last night’s fire had died. Kikyou’s grey, blue tinged eyes pierced her with a solemn gaze.

“What?” Kagura snorted to cover her surprise.

“Nothing, I wasn’t expecting you to be awake this early.”

“Why not? I’m a youkai. We don’t need as much sleep.”

“We were up late. Even youkai need rest.”

“I’ve had enough, thank you very much. I would appreciate it if we didn’t discuss my sleeping habits. It’s none of your concern,” Kagura sniped. She stood, straightened herself somewhat, cleaned up camp, and hoisted the small sack with her belongings over her shoulders. “If you want to accompany me on the road, I can’t stop you. I’m warning you though… I’m not stopping at the next town. I prefer the woods to spend my nights in. You’ll be on your own.”

“I’ve been on my own for a while.”

Kagura nodded her assent and stepped onto the road.

_-Phase unwound_  
 _By yourself_  
 _Atom bomb_  
 _On the shelf unsung_  
 _Pause of light_  
 _Pulse of life_  
 _New face dawns-_

They walked in companionable silence, Kikyou leading her horse on foot. Kagura looked to the sky for strength from the memories that threatened to batter her conscious. She sighed. She really needed a distraction. Redirecting her thoughts, she found herself pondering the woman beside her and her incarnate. 

“What is it about that girl?” 

“My reincarnation?” 

Kagura jumped, “I said that out loud?”

“Yes,” Kikyou affirmed.

“That’s strange… usually I keep my thoughts to myself. You get a lot of practice with _him._ ” 

“I’m not surprised. I assume I was correct as to who you were referring to?”

“Yes,” Kagura hesitated. She had never confiding in anyone before, least of all someone she had issues with. But she had questions and Kikyou knew the answers. At least it would distract her from thoughts of him. “I was just wondering, you were supposed to be strong, but Naraku said it was your emotions that brought about your downfall. How can what destroyed you make her so much more powerful?”

“That’s simple,” Kikyou responded. “We had different bases for our spiritual foundations. I aspired to be more than human, so I based my foundations on strength, fortitude, and detachment. When I strayed from these virtues, I crumbled. Kagome, she tries to be a better human. True her power has it’s weaknesses as well, such power is slightly erratic and easily swayed, but she has a firm ground in the companions she cares for. Her strength feeds off her will and passion to defend them, no matter the cost. It is a matter of which method you chose. When dealing with Naraku’s treachery, it appears I did not choose the smartest route.”

Kagura nodded and digested this new information.

_-Everywhere you are_  
 _And everywhere you go_  
 _Even if you’re down_  
 _Even if you’re low_  
 _It’s in the thought of you_  
 _It’s in the eyes of all_  
 _Astride a storied past_  
 _That’s everywhere you are-_

The next town peaked on the horizon around midday. Both Kikyou and Kagura plodded on without words. They didn’t need any. People became visible as they bustled along with their daily duties, among them, several men. Kagura felt the familiar fear peak again and clamped down on her panic before it could rise. Her feet felt so heavy. 

“This is where I take my leave. I wish you well,” Kikyou said and they parted. Kagura watched her back for a moment, long black ponytail sweeping back and forth rhythmically as it steadily grew smaller. Finally, Kagura turned and continued around the town.

_-Your love must always be true  
Your love must always be you-_

The blue of the sky deepened as Kagura walked alone with her thoughts. Kikyou had given her a lot to think about. Who would have thought the vengeful, undead priestess could change so much?

The wind howled unnaturally in her ears. Brow creased, she turned around when a familiar scent assaulted her nostrils. A scent that haunted her worse nightmares. She was firmly rooted to the spot by fear. Her fist clenched as her body trembled. Sweat beaded on her milky skin.

A whirlwind appeared on the road, heading straight for her. It broke, its occupant sliding to a stop in the dust right in front of her. She remembered him, that long black hair, that cocky smile. But most of all she remembered his eyes. Such piercing blue eyes.

Kouga looked her straight in the face, his expression a mixture of anger and shock.

_-Everywhere you are_  
 _Anywhere you go_  
 _Even if you’re scared_  
 _It’s all a part of you_  
 _But ever should you put it down_  
 _You could never lose me_  
 _Everywhere you are-_

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

TBC…


	3. Rotten Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kouga reminisces and faces unresolved inner conflicts...

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

_-Dirty your face  
With longing and grace, God given  
Suffer her heart  
And love her when your love goes unrequited-_

Kouga examined the youkai in front of him, shock evident on his face. He shook his head to clear the daze, realizing with astonishment that the youkai he had smelt, scouted for since early morning, was in fact the one standing in his path. 

His eyes continued to scan her body with lingering disbelief. Yes, she smelt like Kagura, looked like Kagura… but she had changed. The air of malice she once projected in and outside battle was completely gone. Those blank red eyes, so ominous in her early days, had a spark in them not present before. And her aura, the difference was beyond words. Kagura had always been an exotic beauty; Kouga would be worried as a member of the male gender if he could not admit that much about his sworn enemy. But now, with the accent of her plain clothes and simple ponytail, she gave off a more earthly, natural feel. Kouga found himself slightly forcing the growl out of his throat before clearing his senses to perform the task at hand. 

“What are _you_ doing in my territory, bitch? I let you live last time, but you’re not helpless anymore. I should rip you limb from limb for what you did to my pack!” 

Kagura’s eyes widened in horror as she stepped back, Kouga had been too caught up in his thoughts and seemed rage to notice the violent tremors wracking her lithe body. Kouga’s territory. She glanced at the familiar, rugged mountain peaks in the near distance, her gaze flicking back quickly to rest on the physical threat. How could she have missed that! Kouga cracked his knuckles in an obvious challenge. One look at his zestful grin said everything. Kagura didn’t know what to do, she fell on her knees, head bowed. 

“Aren’t you going to defend yourself, woman?” Kouga blinked in confusion, maintaining his growl out of habit. Kagura didn’t respond. In her mind, she repeated, _if I don’t react he will go away. If I don’t react he will get bored and go away._ The simple mantra cleared her mind, preparing Kagura for the mental escape she grew to depend on those last months with Naraku. She could hold out, any minute now… 

“Well?!” he snorted in obvious annoyance. The persistent demand shattered her bubble: bringing to the surface all the memories, all the pain… 

“I don’t have all day, woman. Get up.” 

Kagura looked up at him dejectedly. Her scent washed over him in waves: the musky stench of fear, the salty waft of despair, and bitterness of lost hope. He stumbled back, knowing the answer to his question was given in the depths of those doleful, ruby eyes. She was more helpless like this than she was back then, lying still and immobile on the smoking remains of the final battlefield.

His mind raced. Kagura laughed cruelly. Kagura killed. Kagura taunted him over the bodies of his fallen comrades. Kagura was crass and rude. Kagura was proud. Kagura actually cared about her own life. That was all she cared for. Kouga was stunned. This was not Kagura. His lips moved almost of their own accord.

“Who are you?”

Kagura lowered her eyes shamefully. She stared at the pebble-strewn ground as black dots pulsed across her vision. Her chest constricted in a painful twist, forcing air out of her lungs. She took large, very audibly gulps of air. Naraku was choking her. She had done something bad. Very bad. Oh, God, she couldn’t breathe! The black dots seemed to grow with every pulse until they became spots, then blobs that expanded with each beat, completely consuming her sight. Kouga’s question pounded through her skull. She lifted her lidded gaze, only to see darkness and a fluorescent phantom where he stood: heat. He was angry. She had done something bad again. Her body felt weak. She swayed.

“I… don’t know anymore,” Kagura gasped as she felt herself begin to fall. Kouga watched speechless as the wind youkai fainted. Her body crumpled in the dust like broken glass. 

Kouga pierced the limp form with savage blue eyes. Those eyes followed the curve of her body, remembering that day so many months ago, when Kagura broke. When Kagura vanquished an enemy hated even by his own. When Kagura mocked him in triumph and he beat her for retribution, sobbing until she blacked out in the dirt.

That day seemed so long ago, but etched as clearly in his mind as if it were yesterday. The day he let the woman he hated live and the woman he loved go. 

_-Where the cool winds blow  
I must surly go  
For my love calls below to drag her  
From the depths of my soul-_

“I… please… d… don’t touch me,” Kagura whispered fervently. Kouga peered into her unfocused eyes curiously. “Please… don’t… not again… d… don’t touch,” she hissed before finally slumping on the ground in a dead faint.

Kouga stared intently at the body. Her silk kimono was soiled and disarrayed, thin form convoluted uncomfortably in the position she fell. Her side bun of rich black hair, usually so pristine, hung mussed and tangled. She was pathetic, really, Kouga thought as he narrowed in on her pale face. He could still trace the trail her first tear had taken. The salty residue crusted on her cheek, reminding him of a scabbing wound: a battle wound. A scar. Somehow, the full impact of the event hit him head on just then; Kagura had cried. He began to laugh coldly at his silly musings. 

“Kouga-kun?” a female voice questioned timidly. He could smell the slight tinge of fear laced through her scent: a musky overtone that positively reeked over her sweet, natural pheromones. Such a reaction would have made him proud years ago, but now his heart cringed with every whiff. He made Kagome feel fear.

He could see the hanyou pulling her closer as his white head slumped in the junction between her shoulder and creamy expanse of throat. A low challenging growl rumbled deep in the wolf youkai’s chest. Inuyasha did not respond. Now, Kouga admitted he wasn’t always the sharpest tool in the shed (to himself anyway,) especially concerning Kagome, but it did not take him long to realize his rival wasn’t responding for a reason; most likely in part because he was unconscious. _Weak hanyou,_ Kouga snorted in his mind. Kagome leaned back against the half-youkai, the weight of one holding up the other. 

“Inuyasha?” she questioned with concern when his strong embrace grew slack. Careening her head, she stared at the oblivious face pressed against the side of her neck. “Inuyasha!” she cried out a little more forcefully. Kagome adjusted her tired body to cradle his head of silvery white hair against her chest. In one rough movement, her knees gave way, sending both bodies to the ground. She never let go. 

“Kagome… leave him… it’s over,” the wolf gasped, his own injuries starting to get the better of him. The anger that had fueled his assault on Kagura quickly dissipated as his body demanded sleep to heal. 

Kagome turned to him, blue-grey eyes filled with an emotion that looked suspiciously like pity. Kouga ignored it, focusing instead on the more obvious, she did not let go. 

“Kagome, did you hear me?” Kouga demanded weakly. “I said it’s over. Let’s go.”

“Inuyasha’s hurt,” the girl stated as if that was the only excuse she needed.

“K… Kagome,” Kouga stepped forward, jarring his wounds. He let out a pained yelp as two broken ribs snapped outside their bounds: one piercing muscle, the other impaling a lung. He crumpled as blood hacked up, spraying the ground before him. One clawed hand reached forward. He could see her eyes widen in horror. He could see her concern. But before he passed out, he saw one more thing. 

She did not let go.

_-When will I see her again?_  
The other side of friends  
The darkened claws of death  
The empty breath desire- 

Kouga blinked his eyes open wearily, waiting for the blur of colors and shapes to finally settle. When they did, he saw wooden beams. The wolf youkai shot up in panic and fell back down with a pained hiss through his fangs immediately afterwards. The ground beneath was cushioned with straw and Kagome’s scent was recent, putting his mind somewhat at ease. That didn’t change the fact that he didn’t recognize where he was. And he was inside. He hated not being able to see the sky. He hated the smell of stale, sheltered air. But most of all, he hated the fact that the air held the unmistakable scent of a certain dog hanyou; and the source of the smell was still in the room with him.

The volatile youkai shifted to see a shirtless Inuyasha lying on a straw mattress across from him. Bandages covered his chest and arms, seeping blood stains against stark white testament to his deep wounds. His eyelids were closed peacefully but Kouga could hear the steady breathing of awareness. 

“Finally woke up, wolf,” Inuyasha spoke, confirming Kouga’s guess. He didn’t answer; the phrase had been a statement, not a question. 

“Was Kagome worried?”

Inuyasha opened pain clouded eyes, craning his neck slowly to face Kouga.

“Of course. She’s always worried ‘bout someone or somethin’ stupid,” the half-breed grumbled. “Like you or those damn tests of hers.”

Kouga blinked in confusion, inwardly fuming that the mutt knew more about his Kagome than he did. It served as a painful reminder of just how little he knew about the woman who held his heart. He would have to ask her about these ‘tests’ later.

“I won’t stop you, you know,” Inuyasha broke the tense silence.

“Huh?”

Inuyasha gave Kouga a serious look the wolf youkai wasn’t use to seeing from his rival. Their past encounters usually consisted of insults, anger, smirks, growls and competitive blows. It was in that moment that Kouga realized that he didn’t really know Inuyasha either. This mature side was completely foreign to him and, he couldn’t help wondering, if Kagome knew this side as well. He never truly understood why she stayed in the hanyou’s company before, but reasoned long ago that she felt obligated to complete her mission, resigning himself to live without her companionship until Naraku’s death. Was there more to it than that?

“If you take her away,” Inuyasha continued, breaking his train of thought. “I won’t stop you if you take her away, but only if she wants it. If you kidnap her against her will I swear on every god in this world and the next I’ll hunt you down and rip you apart myself.” 

“Why?” Kouga questioned suspiciously. “You’ve never been so generous before. This better not be some sort of twisted trick, mutt.”

“You want a reason,” Inuyasha spat. “How about I’ve been thinkin’ a while? It gets pretty damn boring lying on your back all day, so it’s not like I’ve anything better to do! I’m not Naraku, damnit!” 

“Well I’ll be damned,” Kouga muttered. “The dog actually has a brain.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to be serious here!”

“Fine,” Kouga sighed. “Why are you so willing to give her up now?”

Inuyasha echoed his sigh and paused a moment to collect his thoughts.

“Kagome is a carefree spirit,” he began hesitantly, trying to put his emotions into words. Kouga nodded in agreement. “She’s always smiling and she cares too much about other people. She hasn’t changed much, ‘cept maybe she’s not as innocent as she was at first,” again, Kouga felt a pull of jealousy at yet another revelation that Inuyasha indeed knew Kagome more personally than he did. “But lately,” the hanyou stuttered at his next admission. “I’ve noticed a deep sorrow in her eyes. Since then I can smell it and the scent’s gettin’ clearer and clearer. She’s pining away and I think I’m gonna snap if I have to keep on seeing and smellin’ it. I can’t stand it, and I don’t know why it bothers me so fucking much! Kikyou always smelt sad but I didn’t care. It was just part of her scent and it comforted me in a way, made me feel like I wasn’t so alone. For some reason, smelling that on Kagome… even a little bit seems… wrong. I want to make it go away. I’ll let her leave with you if it makes the scent go away.”

Kouga could only nod, deeply in awe of Inuyasha’s heart-wrenching confession. A long silence followed as both young men collected their thoughts. The door flap opened, capturing both their attention as Kagome walked in with more medicinal supplies. 

“Oh, Kouga-kun, you’re awake,” the girl flashed a bright smile and Kouga inhaled her scent deeply. It was calming and fresh beneath the strong layer of just-picked herbs, like a spring breeze with a static intensity that reminded him of lighting and summer storms. He smelled no difference, no sadness. Inuyasha fidgeted, hissing as he aggravated his wounds.

“Inuyasha! Stop trying to move like that! You’ll re-open your wounds,” Kagome gasped, rushing to his side. “Here, I brought some more bandages. Jeez, you’re still bleeding,” the girl fussed. Kouga watched her gently tend the dog hanyou’s wounds, apologizing profusely every time he made a sound of discomfort. 

“Damn it! Stop your nagging, wench! I’ll heal!”

“Stop being such a stubborn jerk, Inuyasha! One of Naraku’s tentacles punctured your diaphragm! That could have easily killed you!”

“It didn’t.”

“Don’t make excuses! You’re getting treatment and that’s that!”

Inuyasha merely grumbled as Kagome continued to dote on him. In his mind, Kouga saw her tired body holding Inuyasha’s desperately. She refused to let go.

“Well, that should keep dog-boy in the clear,” Kagome announced, sticking out her tongue when the hanyou growled menacingly at her cheek. “How are you feeling, Kouga-kun?”

“Aside from the headache you two gave me, much better.”

“Oh, sorry about that,” Kagome waved, kneeling down to examine him. “You seem to be healing nicely since we reset your ribs. Apparently that was your only serious injury. You should be out of here in no time.”

“Good riddance,” Inuyasha muttered.

“I heard that! Inuyasha, for once in your life, would it kill you to be civil to Kouga?”

“Feh.”

“God, he’s so immature,” Kouga had to stifle a laugh at her statement, remembering Inuyasha’s insight only moments before. “You have no idea how much of a pain in the ass he’s been,” Kagome said, turning away from Inuyasha as he shouted a random obscenity at her. “If he wasn’t so beat up, I’d have said ‘osuwari’ a million times by…”

A sickening crack sounded and Inuyasha screamed in consuming agony as his bodily weight pressed him into the ground unexpectedly. Within seconds, he was unconscious. 

“Oh, God! INUYASHA!” Kagome shrieked, abandoning Kouga within the space of a heartbeat. The dog-eared boy groaned as Kagome rolled him on his side, desperate to reach the bandage knots and check his re-opened injuries. Blood leaked from pale, parted lips, dotting his ashy cheeks with specks of red every time the hanyou heaved. All the while Kagome mumbled, “Oh, God, I’m sorry… didn’t mean it, oh, God, how could I?! Ditz… airhead… stupid, STUPID! I hurt him… oh, God, he can’t die… he can’t! Please… oh, God, I’m such an idiot,” and similar phrases. She seemed unaware or uncaring of the telling crimson that seeped through her blouse. Many of the curses and exclamations Kouga understood but a few sounded unrecognizably foreign to the well-traveled youkai. Just where was Kagome from?

“Holy shit,” Kouga whistled when the bandages were finally removed. Kagome choked back sobs, failing miserably, as she surveyed the damage. Scarlet pulsed unbidden from his pale body, running in rivulets down his chiseled torso. Removing the wrap on his shoulder, Kagome and Kouga could see bone white where the weakened joint popped, tearing through skin. But worse of all was the chest wound she had mentioned earlier. The hole had already begun to heal since battle, but now the scabs and dried shell were cracked, revealing slick muscle and tissue that twitched with each pained gasp of breath. 

“K… Kaede,” Kagome rasped between sobs before running out of the hut to get the old woman. Kouga could only gap. Those wounds were more serious than he thought. No wonder she defended the mongrel every time he called him weak. 

The door flap rustled again, admitting the form of an ancient woman he didn’t recognize, followed closely by a frantic Kagome. The elder wore weathered miko robes and a patch over her right eye. Padding with a slow, steady gait only acquired by age, she eased herself beside Inuyasha, examining him quickly without so much as a tick on her wrinkled expression. 

“Kagome,” she spoke in a voice groggy from overuse. “Can you get me some water from the river?” 

“S… sure, Kaede-baachan,” Kagome stuttered nervously before rushing out of the hut to perform her duty. Kaede sighed wistfully and began pulling herbs out of a belt-pouch, arranging them neatly in front of her before turning to examine the hanyou more critically. 

“How serious are they?” Kouga found himself asking.

“Very,” the old priestess responded without acknowledging him. The way she distributed her attention spoke volumes. He leaned back to watch with growing anticipation. 

“I brought the water!” Kouga smiled as Kagome bustled in, sloshing water down her blood, stained front. “Will he be okay?” the girl fretted. 

“Only time will tell, child,” Kaede said, reaching over to grab the offered pail. Kouga watched as his love bent over his rival anxiously, watching the elderly woman’s work like a hawk and helping when she could. A few hours later, the young kitsune entered the hut, immediately going into a panic when he saw Inuyasha’s condition. It took practically all of Kaede’s patience to convince Kagome to leave the hanyou’s side and calm the kit down; outside. Kouga felt the loss of her presence but turned his focus back on Inuyasha and the woman who tended him. With a small snort of triumph, the venerable priestess tied off one last knot and leaned back with a low, dignified yawn.

“Will he live?” Kouga again spoke without noticing.

“If he survives the night, our worries will be elevated,” she sighed, rising slowly on creaky, overworked bones. “I shall fetch Kagome. She will want to watch over him.”

_-Dirty your face  
With longing and grace, God given  
Suffer her heart  
And love her when your love goes unrequited-_

Fire crackled late into the night. The dim, orange glow flickered across the form of a tired girl, bent over the sprawled body of a dog hanyou. Labored breath was audible even to human ears. The hanyou twisted slightly with a low groan, sweat beading on his brow as he gasped for air like a drowning man. The girl reached forward and wiped his face clean with a pastel cloth. He quieted under her tender care and she leaned forward, brushing her lips gently across his temple in a sweet, stolen caress.

Kouga watched the touching scene from his pallet. Now, he saw the sadness in Kagome’s unguarded eyes. Her actions, that telling grey tinged blue, they gave it all away. And no matter how he hoped, the wolf youkai was almost certain that he was not the one who could make it disappear.

“Kagome?”

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try. 

“Oh, Kouga-kun, I didn’t know you were still awake,” she didn’t bother to smile at him. Her voice sounded so strained. 

“You should be asleep. This is too much for your human body. You’ll get… what?” Kouga whined as Kagome broke out in random giggles, laughter taking over her weary body. He huffed at the indignation.

“S… sorry, Kouga-kun,” the schoolgirl finally managed to choke. “It’s just that… you sounded so much like Inuyasha for a moment.”

“Me?! Sound like the mutt?!”

“Yes,” Kagome nodded as the fits subsided. “He’s always telling me how weak my human body is. I have to be careful, I can’t walk too much, I have to stay out of the way in a fight (unless there’s Shikon shards involved of course), or how useless I am… it makes me so mad, it’s not like I’m made of glass or something… I can do my share. Maybe I wouldn’t be so weak if he let me help out once in a while!” 

“Why are you mad about that?” Kouga asked incredulously. “Most females I’ve been around get all mushy when guys worry about them. I guess you don’t like that kind of stuff,” he mumbled the last part thoughtfully and stored the newfound information at the back of his mind for later use. A brief smile graced his lips, “you’re anything but ordinary, alright.”

“Worry?” Kagome’s eyes widened in surprise before softening on the silver-haired boy. “He was worried about me?”

“Why else would he coddle you?”

“I never saw it that way before,” the young girl admitted.

“Kagome?” Kouga questioned, letting the sound of her name hang in the air between them for a moment. 

“Did you want to ask me something, Kouga-kun?”

“Yeah… I was curious ‘bout someone dog-turd mentioned. Who’s Kikyou?”

She stiffened immediately and Kouga instantly regretted his words. The sorrow rolled off her in waves now, arousing the suspicion that whoever this Kikyou was had triggered the sadness Inuyasha spoke of.

“Kikyou is… she’s… I’m her reincarnation,” Kagome blurted out. To say Kouga was surprised would be an understatement. Inuyasha knew Kagome’s previous incarnation?

“She was a very powerful priestess who lived over fifty years ago. She was the original protector of the Shikon no Tama.”

“That explains why you were collecting the shards with dog-face,” Kouga spoke with awe. “Since you are her reincarnation the duty fell down to you.”

“I suppose you could say that,” Kagome whispered. “I didn’t really think of it as my duty until I accidentally shattered the jewel, though. Before that, it seemed kind of like a… thing that was just passed down to me through circumstance. I felt no responsibility until I was somewhat at fault for the jewel’s fate. Perhaps Kikyou felt so bitter toward the Shikon because she had no real responsibility toward it like I did. Someone needed to purify the jewel and she was just the best person for the job so they saddled it on her. How sad.”

“Kikyou was bitter?” he frowned. “I have a hard time imagining you being bitter.” 

Kagome slammed her open palms against the ground and grief spiked through her scent. Kouga gasped as a single tear splashed against the ground, followed by another. He had never seen Kagome truly cry before. 

“I may be her reincarnation, but I am _not_ Kikyou! My mind… my heart… they are my own! Only my soul shares a common ground with her.” 

“I… sorry, Kagome,” Kouga sputtered, realizing he had hit a sensitive subject. “But, I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?”

“Why it matters that you are so different than this woman. Anyone who shared your soul can’t be a bad person, and not only that, she’s dead so there’s no way to compare.” 

“Not really,” Kagome said hesitantly. 

“That’s not possible,” he scowled back. “You have her soul now, so she can’t be alive.” 

“Well, she’s not alive… but she’s not dead either.” 

“Now you’re confusing me. She has to be one or the other.”

“Technically, no. A witch resurrected her with bones and grave soil. That same witch abducted me and pulled my soul out to fuel the sham body, but Kikyou killed her as soon as her memories were revived. I managed to force my soul back into me (according to Kaede-baachan) but Kikyou moved on, powered by her old hatred for Inuyasha. She continues to live on to this day, feeding off dead woman’s souls so that she can exact her revenge on him.”

“She hates the mutt?” Kouga chuckled. “I’m not surprised.”

“Sometimes… I almost wish she did.” 

“What?” his face crinkled further in confusion. “But you just said…”

“It’s a very complicated hate, Kouga-kun.”

“Sure as hell sounds like it,” the wolf youkai grumbled, wondering just what he’d gotten himself into. Who knew such a simple question could have such complex answers? 

“I suppose I should start from the beginning…” 

_-Restless in my speech_  
And rootless in my teach  
So vacant in my breach  
I drive the dirt of her garden sorrow- 

Birds welcomed the warm dawn with cacophonous song. The sky glowed a deep blue as the first rays of sunlight peeked over the horizon, tinting the clouds with an orange, gold hue and reflecting off the morning dew. Inside a simple hut, a modern Japanese schoolgirl fell victim to fatigue and slumped in dreamless slumber: her relaxed body curled protectively over the injured hanyou. The dog-eared boy shifted closer with a pained groan, his breath coming easier than it had earlier in the night. 

Kouga watched their tender scene passively from his spot, remembering the last words of his ‘would-have-been’ love.

_“I decided then that I didn’t care who Inuyasha chose. I still had my selfish desires... those will never completely go away, but I refuse to let them get in the way. I want more than anything to see him smile. And I wanted to stay by his side so he would live to smile.”_

Kouga shook his head at the memory and let a wistful gaze fall on the sleeping couple. A throaty chuckle escaped him. 

“They love each other so much it’s almost sickening.”

He allowed more amusement to fill him. Humor shook him at their obvious, yet so clueless, romance. He let the feelings come, dampening the void that threatened to consume him otherwise. The painful truth that his Kagome… no, not his, she could never be his. Her heart was long gone before he even entered her life. She loved Inuyasha.

And he loved her back.

“It makes me sicker,” he whispered on deaf ears, “that they don’t even realize it.”

He couldn’t stand it. What he wanted so badly, what he could only wish for, these two took for granted. Last night, Kouga had seen into Kagome’s real heart for the very first time. He loved her even more for it. The wolf youkai realized now that he didn’t truly love her before. Yes, he was attracted to her power and beauty. He had seen her kindness under the new moon: a kindness that unseated a deep yearning within him. He knew she cared on some level, and he didn’t become prince of his wolf tribe by being shy or modest. But now, he had heard her wishes, hopes, dreams, emotions she didn’t express so openly. He fell for her all over again and it hurt to know they could never be. He didn’t have the luxury of pretending anymore.

But, Kouga realized with an ironic snort, Kagome wouldn’t be Kagome without her love for the rude, silver-haired oddity. He was her inspiration; instigator of her sorrow and the only cure all rolled into one.

Suddenly, the speed demon felt an overwhelming urge to grab the vulnerable young woman resting so trustingly before him and run away; far away. He could hide her from Inuyasha. He could move his den and shelter her. And maybe, just maybe, in time she would come to love him as much as he did her. He could be the one to lift her burdens. He could do it…

“Inuyasha,” she mumbled sleepily, one slender hand falling down innocently to tangle in the hanyou’s silver-white strands. 

Who did he think he was kidding?

_-She’ll never listen again_  
No other lovers to bend  
Just rotten apples to eat  
Just letter yellowed distant scorn- 

He couldn’t stay, couldn’t bear to watch. With a determined intake of breath, the wolf prince propped himself up on tan elbows. The pain in his chest had lessened considerably since yesterday, but the soreness in his bones returned with a vengeance. Slowly, he inched his way up. Relief flooded Kouga when he finally managed to push up onto the balls of his feet. Almost there. With one surprisingly smooth stroke, the youkai stood and hobbled out of the hut.

“Kouga-kun?”

Damn, he had woken her. 

“You’re still injured,” the exhausted girl yawned. 

“I’ll be fine. I was just returning to my pack. What’s left of ‘em anyway. They’re probably worried.” 

“But…”

“I’ll finish healing over there. Dog-turd needs more of your help anyway,” and, that said, the proud prince began to walk away. 

“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?”

Kouga chuckled, “you’re more observant than I gave you credit for.”

“And just what’s that supposed to mean?!” she fumed. 

“Nothing,” the wolf quickly raised a hand to pacify the enraged priestess-in-training. “I just didn’t expect you to pick that up.”

“And why not?”

“Well,” Kouga sighed. “You aren’t so… pa… per… perceptive, yeah, that’s the word… when it comes to Inuyasha, so I guess I thought you were always like that.”

“What do you mean?” Kagome cocked her head quizzically.

“I used to get scared, you know, every time I ran off. Every time I left you with him.”

“Huh?” 

Kouga sighed, “The mutt’s in love with you.” 

“I already told you last night,” she shook her raven locks with a drained smiled. “I’m sure he cares about me, but the only thing he loves is this face.” 

Kagome jumped as a hollow laugh filled the empty air, shattering a silence otherwise only broken by Inuyasha’s deep breaths. The loud guffaws shook her to the core, rattling away whatever words she had in mind. 

“Do you need anymore proof?” the mirthful wolf choked between fits. “He protects you with his life! Protection that deep is not taken lightly by canine youkai. I’m not sure exactly how much the mutt knows about his heritage, but it’s pretty instinctual, protection is the form of utmost loyalty. A dog youkai, even a hanyou, only offers such protective measures to his family and pack.”

“But it’s not willingly,” Kagome interrupted. “The rosary…”

“It may have started out that way, I don’t know, I wasn’t there. But for as long as I’ve fought ‘im, I can tell, he doesn’t give it a second thought. He _wants_ to protect you.”

“Tessaiga,” she whispered. “I should have known. It only activates when the wielder wishes to protect a human. He wanted to protect me. He said it himself, if a bit rudely.”

“Leave it to dog-turd to screw up a good line. That’s the only reason I wasn’t afraid at first. I didn’t think he could make you love him as long as I was around,” Kouga acknowledged bitterly. Somehow, he felt lighter. 

“That doesn’t prove anything though,” Kagome sighed with another dejected yawn. “He could love me as a sister or a friend. That’s what a pack is, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but you’re more than that,” The wolf youkai snorted. “He told me before you came in. He can tell you’re sad, you know. He can smell it. He knows your pining. Did you know he actually said he’d let me take you if it made you happy? The scent bothers him. Can’t stand it, he says.” He peeked once to meet Kagome’s wide, enraptured stare. “He said he used to smell sadness on that Kikyou woman, and it didn’t bother him. But it’s wrong on you.”

“I… I don’t understand,” Kagome choked. Confusion shone in her bloodshot eyes. “So he was comparing me to Kikyou again. What else is new?” the girl kept her voice steady but Kouga caught the salty whiff of tears held behind stable walls.

“No, you don’t understand,” the wolf shook his head. “He wasn’t comparing you to Kikyou. He was comparing Kikyou to you.” Kouga watched the disheveled girl with a somber gaze. Here he was, the prince of his tribe, driving the woman he loved into the arms of his enemy. An enemy she happened to be in love with, albeit, but a nemesis none the less. Everything seemed surreal and Kouga couldn’t drop the feeling that he was floating on air. He couldn’t ignore the fact that the sensation grew with every word he spoke on Inuyasha’s behalf. He could sense it in the way Kagome’s eyes lit up with hope. Suddenly, everything just clicked. Like Kagome, he no longer cared who she chose. 

But he wanted more than anything to make her smile.

“I still don’t understand.”

“When I heard your story,” Kouga began again, hoping to get his point across this time. “Inuyasha seemed very in love with Kikyou. But when he mentioned her that one time, she sounded like someone he had connections with in the past and felt responsible for. He said he didn’t feel so alone when he was with her. I heard no love, until he mentioned your name.” 

Kagome was silent. Tangled, black bangs obscured her eyes. Her soul, her heart was a mystery at this point. 

“But, I wanna know why…”

Two pale fists slammed against the ground, startling him out of his revere. They shook with the weak application of pressure, fueled by the girl’s quaking rage.

“Stop it. Please, Kouga-kun, just stop,” she whispered brokenly. 

“Stop what?” the wolf was apprehensive, very much affected by her sudden outburst. 

“Please, I’m just tired. Please don’t give me anymore hope.”

“If I’m lying,” Kouga rumbled low. “Then tell me why is he so aware of you? Why does he shield your life without a second thought to his own? Why does he always defend your honor? Why was he willing to put his pride aside for your happiness yesterday when he asked me? And, if I’m lying, why the hell am I breaking my heart to prove this to you?! Answer me that, woman. Do I need to be more blunt? Tell him how you feel and I dare you to come back out with these accusations. I’m sick of this little skirting game.”

“Kouga-kun…”

The prince ignored her, limping out of the hut with only his regrets for company. At least she would smile in the end. He hoped. 

_-Dirty your face  
With longing and grace, God given  
Suffer her heart  
And love her when your love goes unrequited-_

Wind whistled ominously through his ebony strands. Kagura lay there, disregarded, alone. Kouga snarled. His claws burned, itched to tear into her flesh. He wanted to rip her skin, spill her vile blood as the spirits of his long-dead pack members howled in satisfied triumph. 

The death of his comrades, the single most haunting moment of his life. He had stayed behind while they fought, lured by the aura of the false Shikon no Tama. What did he ever see in that damn jewel, anyway?! He arrived in time to see the ground littered with their corpses. Their blood soaking the ground a deep burgundy. 

And she made them dance. She threw them in his face, forcing him to cut down friends he had known since childhood. To look in those blank white eyes, void of life as he tore into his brethren. She poisoned him. And she laughed. The heartless bitch, he hated her. More than Naraku himself. 

When it came down to it, everything was Naraku’s fault, wasn’t it? The betrayal of Inuyasha, the loss of Kagome, the creation of Kagura, and the slaughter of his clan. Everything tied back to him and she was the last connection. One swift strike and everything would be fixed, just one simple slash across the neck. She had it coming. He could end it all. 

A high pitched whimper reached his elf-like ears. Ice blue eyes followed the source and widened on the wind youkai’s prone body. Her milky face creased with another whine, giving the impression of one in pain. Then she stilled. Again, she was Kagura.

And try as he might, Kouga didn’t have the heart to kill her. Not like this.

_-Life just fade away_  
Purity just begs  
Dust to dust, we’re wired into sadness- 

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a timeline reference, the flashback with Kouga, Kagome, and Inuyasha in this chapter happened a little before the flashback last chapter with Kikyou. Keep in mind that Kagome had some time to stew on Kouga's words off-screen before Kikyou comes across them. That's why her reactions are so different.


	4. Obscured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kagura and Kouga have finally crossed paths again months after Naraku's defeat...

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

Naraku leered over her; sleek black curls tumbled over his bare shoulders like snaking vines. Reaching for her. Curling around her. Strangling her. 

Kagura jerked awake, choking on a desperate scream. She was alone on the road. It was over: Naraku was dead. A sigh of relief blew past her lips, but somehow, the sound fell flat on her ears. He wasn’t dead inside her. He lived on in fear and hatred, trapping her in an endless cycle she could never hope to escape from. Kouga was living proof of that.

“Kouga,” she whispered to the wind.

He was gone. 

_-Lost your head_  
 _Now you sleep on the floor_  
 _What you said_  
 _I don’t want anymore-_

Kouga watched with critical eyes as his target jolted from her slumber, gagging on something that sounded suspiciously like a scream. A suppressed snort nearly escaped when her torso twisted, eyes wide as she searched for him. The wind youkai scanned his hiding place and he stepped deeper into the shadows. _Better safe than sorry,_ he always thought. 

With another sigh, she finally stood, dusted off her simple yukata and smoothed her mussed locks. Setting the small pack straight on her shoulders, the wind sorceress continued her trek, perpendicular to Kouga’s mountain. 

The wolf felt a wave of relief wash over him. She wasn’t interested in the rest of his pack after all. Their numbers were already dangerously low, particularly the male populace. With this year’s almost pathetic batch of cubs, he was seriously beginning to wonder if he would ever be able to build up his tribe to its former glory. Certainly not in this lifetime.

His clan was broken; all but decimated and scattered. The struggle for the Shikon shards, the fight with Naraku, all of these factors had put a definite strain on his leadership. Since the final battle (coupled with the aftermath of losing Kagome,) Kouga just didn’t have the heart to put much effort into reuniting and building up the pack like he should. He had failed as a leader and a man. The only solution was to redeem himself: to find the old strength that had driven him as the wolf prince. 

So he watched the dark-haired beauty, following her upwind from the shadows. Kagura had gotten him into the mess with Naraku. And as soon as Kagura appeared, he would run his claws across that delicate swan neck. 

_-Through the haze  
Make your eyes up to ache-_

The road was desolate as always. The chill of early autumn permeated through the air, chasing would-be travelers away with the promise of an early, harsh winter. The isolation suited Kagura just fine. She continued her journey, walking on without reason or purpose. Several days had passed since she last came across a human settlement, the morning before Kouga cornered her on the road, in fact. The passage of time helped put her mind somewhat at ease. 

Darkness fell across the sky and she halted routinely, searching for signs of a reasonable camp. She could smell fresh water nearby, probably a river if the rushing sound was any indication. Her lips curved upward. A bath didn’t sound like a bad idea. 

Kagura breathed in the scent of moist earth as wildlife chirped and squawked around her. The wilderness calmed her with its vast aura like nothing else could. She spent every night since leaving her old life behind outside for that very reason. Being in the open, surrounded by smells and noises that completely contradicted her ways under Naraku, was a simple rebellion she reveled in. 

Long gone were the days confined in his castle, the stench of poison and death assaulting her nostrils, the roars of numerous youkai and the moans of the suffering. Kagura wished with all her heart she could say she was disgusted by it then. That a shiver of sadistic pleasure didn’t crawl up her spine when she walked those despicable halls. But the truth was; she was programmed to take delight in pain, to enjoy dishing out death. Or at the very least, not care. It made her that much more of an efficient killing machine, that was another reason he held her heart hostage. He made sure she didn’t know better. 

But it didn’t stop her from hurting now.

_-Out in space  
Days away-_

Laughter.

She jerked her head up just in time to catch the scent of humans on her path. The voices were carefree, happy, and she was certain more than one held the high pitch accent of a child. A smile crept on cold lips. She couldn’t explain it, but children melted her heart in a way few things could. Perhaps the feeling had something to do with envy, and a desire to protect what she never got to have. She had been born without a chance to grow, to learn. 

Naraku didn’t prepare her for emotions like she was experiencing now. Traditional morals would have gotten in the way of her duty and he knew that too well. The result left nothing but confusion in the wake of her current thoughts. Kagura felt many new things along her journey, but never before had she felt so cheated.

The happy family crested the hill, seven heads by her count. 

And two men. Burly men. 

Panic set in. How could she have not noticed? Their deep baritones, chuckling in wry amusement, how could she have heard the children over them? Not realize that surely they would be accompanied by strong protectors? Her previous thoughts were forgotten as fear kicked in, setting her system in overdrive. Only one thing mattered to her; she needed to hide. She needed to hide NOW.

“Youkai!” one of the men shouted in alarm.

She couldn’t hide! They saw her! Singled her out. They were going to hurt her! They were going to kill her!

“Stupid bitch!” Naraku hissed in her ear as he snapped her neck back. Clawing her shoulders in a grotesque imitation of a caress. It hurt. Her skin tingled, repeating sensation through memory. She couldn’t distinguish fiction from reality anymore. 

She grabbed her fan, she had to escape him. Kagura’s mind was blank, on autopilot as she flicked the spine, releasing her weapon. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she saw the sword and knew the puny weapon was a human device. It would take more than that to bring her down, but fear was too powerful. Adrenaline raced through her blood, boiling, overriding rational thought. Everything became so hauntingly simple.

She felt threatened. She had to remove the threat. 

Wind; it exploded through her fingertips, rushed along the supports of her fan, and burst forth in a concentrated force. She heard screams, but they seemed so distant. She swiped again. Blades flew, blood splattered, and still she attacked. She didn’t care that the humans stood no chance against her power. It didn’t matter when her blades reached beyond the men to their charges. Nothing was sacred anymore. This was survival in its purest form. 

The silence awakened her senses. Kagura reeled. The smell of blood, it was so strong. Ruby eyes scanned the burgundy ground; two men, mutilated beyond recognition, twin katana besides them, both in poor condition. The sight was disturbing, but a slight twisting of her gut was the only reaction. She had seen worse before. Much worse. Her gaze traveled beyond them and Kagura swore she felt her heart stop for a moment. 

Women, huddled, bleeding, reeking of fear and death. A tiny hand, soft, new, hanging limply through what must have been a tender embrace in life. It was a little girl, frame sallow from a few recently skipped meals, dark mane a matted mess. She was so delicate, red leaking from parted lips; skin a pasty pale color. But what bore into Kagura’s soul was a single, visible eye. That lifeless brown, staring vacantly into nothing, clouding over, a testament to her cruelty. 

Kagura felt herself shake, the fan fall. She desperately wanted to be anywhere but there, in front of a massacre of her own doing. At a lost for anything else, she ran. 

Hair thumped against her back. Stray branches reached out, tearing, grabbing. She panted, unaware of anything except the overwhelming desire to flee. She smelled water. Water was nice. Water was clean. She sprinted for it. 

Reaching the bank, Kagura stripped. She pulled and yanked, ripping cloth in a frenzy to expose herself. Finally free, she dove into the icy depths, ducking before breaking the surface with an exaggerated gasp. She ignored the cold, refused to feel it, as she set about cleaning herself. She scrubbed. She scrubbed with her fingertips. She could still feel him. She scrubbed with her claws. The blood surprised her at first, but she ignored it in favor of cleansing herself. Before she knew it, her skin was shredded, tainting the water a rosy hue. Nothing worked. She ducked again, screaming her frustration into the river’s currant. Bubbles flew from her mouth: stretching, popping. 

Kagura’s mind fluttered, singling one thought out and grasping it. The hand. The eye. The wasted life of that dismal, little child. 

She had killed before; the act was nothing new to her, but for some reason the injustice of it all fell on her the minute she spotted that tiny hand, crushed between a dead woman’s arms. 

The wind user centered her thoughts as she ran out of air. That woman, in a panic that could rival hers, followed her most primal instinct; to shield a little girl in her final moments. To give her life. Kagura felt suddenly inferior. Naraku was not purged from her yet; her first instinct was still to kill. Her most heartfelt wish, to be free, suddenly seemed so hopeless now. 

Her lungs begged for air. 

She hugged herself, refusing to think more on the matter. Her mind was overloaded, shutting down, leaving her to face the raw emotions on her own. She could only feel, feel as she took a deep breath and sucked water into her strained lungs. Fire. It burned a trail of flames inside her, leaving a cool feeling in its wake, not unpleasant. It was so calm, dying like this; it didn’t really feel like dying. She had always imaged from her victims’ reactions that the process would be painfully jarring. Perhaps for them it had been. This feeling of release, she didn’t want to let it go quite yet. Her mind slowly faded, it was becoming harder to focus on the swaying river grass beneath her toes. 

She was youkai: a being of imitation flesh, driven by power and emotion. Her essence was the wind. She was mighty. But she was not immune to the elements. She could still burn. She could still drown. No one was invincible, not even Naraku. 

For some reason, that thought put a smile on her face. 

Her eyes drooped shut, bringing blessed darkness to her conflicted world. Her body grew limp as she passed out. She never felt the masculine arms pull her up. 

_-Through these eyes_  
 _I’ve relied on all I’ve seen  
Obscured-_

Kouga lifted Kagura’s heavy body out of the water and set her on shore. Distilled liquid leaked from her nostrils and Kouga found himself furiously beating her with his fists, attempting to jumpstart her lungs. Finally, she coughed and sputtered, spitting up river water. Ignoring the attractive woman’s obvious nudity, the wolf youkai spied her hastily discarded clothing and quickly set himself to the task of drying and dressing her. He wrapped her in green, fumbling with scarlet ties that taunted him, matching her eyes. Once complete, he gathered twigs to build a small fire and covered her prone form with a small blanket he found in her pack, lying haplessly where she dropped it before. She shivered, Kouga rushed to carry her closer to the blaze. 

Even the wolf prince was confused over his diligent care. Kagura was an enemy he swore to destroy at all costs. Now, he was saving her life and worrying over her pale color. _Worrying?_ Yes, that was the right word. He couldn’t help but wonder how he got himself into this situation.

The last few days had been rather uneventful. Kagura walked, he followed. Nothing happened. He still couldn’t kill her. Kouga was practically screaming for a good run by sunset to release the pent up frustration inside. 

And he would have left her too, thoroughly convinced the wind witch could do nothing more than walk until nightfall; dusk had already fallen. 

She stopped. Kouga saw nothing strange about her action. The elfish women lifted her nose in the air, tentatively sniffing the surrounding area, standard procedure for breaking camp. She seemed pleased for a moment and took a few steps forward, only to halt once more. Kouga was perplexed to say the least. Nothing was out of the ordinary, except for the humans he sensed approaching, but he didn’t see why that would make a difference. They were mostly women from the sound of it. 

Then she did something that really threw him for a loop; she smiled. Not the sadistic smile he knew so well from their early fights, nor the smug one that haunted him that fateful day months ago. It was a soft movement of the mouth, almost wistful, a gentle expression that didn’t quite reach her eyes. He found, in spite of himself, wondering why that was. 

_Feh, women!_ He’d never understand them.

The humans crested the hill, the majority women, as Kouga suspected, with a couple children trailing behind and the expected manly protectors marching on either side. 

That was around the time everything went to Hell. 

Kagura’s face darkened, painted over with a fear he couldn’t understand. She stood shocked for a moment before stumbling back as if to flee. The men shouted an alarm, preparing to do their job as the women scuttled back with their precious cargo. Kouga watched in almost shameful fascination as Kagura whipped out her fan and turned to face her assailants. They attacked in a predictable manner. She showed no mercy. 

The wolf immediately knew something was very wrong. He fought Kagura many times, knew her habits. Her assault may have been brutal, but it lacked her usual finesse. She was attacking blindly, left and right, almost clumsily. As for her expression, he shuttered at the lack of it. Her face was completely blank, no air of confidence, no smirk of casual indifference. In fact, everything about her was rigidly emotionless expect her eyes. The ruby pools were clouded over with panic, insatiable fear. Kouga wondered if she even realized when her wind blades swept past the men’s corpses. Women screamed, children wailed. They crouched and hugged each other in a sad display of hopeless fear. Kouga found himself fighting the urge to shut his eyes to the whole scene in front of him. He snorted mentally. Kagome really did make him soft. 

Kagura released a few more sweeps over the silent dead before she reacted, violently. She reeled, stumbling back as she snuffed, shaking her head as if to rid her nose of a horrible stench. Her eyes fell on the men before her. A slight shiver and a small curve of distaste on ruby red lips was her only physical reaction. In truth, it was a shock to him she expressed as much. 

Then she saw the women.

Kouga had to admit they were a sad sight, almost beautifully tragic in their helpless display. A girl child hung from their embrace, limply clutching her failed protector. He heard something fall and turned to find Kagura trembling. Her fan lay on the ground, forgotten. After everything he witnessed, Kouga unknowingly allowed a small thread of pity to creep up on him.

Then she ran. 

He was stunned for a moment, unsure how to react. Kagura had finally showed her true colors, hadn’t she? Only a cold-blooded murderer could so ruthlessly cut down a child. Sure, he had done the same a few times before, but he reformed for Kagome. Shouldn’t he be rushing to kill the wind witch?

The wolf prince stepped out of the shadows onto the battle scene. He ignored the blood slick soil as it squished through his toes. He ignored the bodies, staring blankly ahead. Instead, he focused on the fan, discarded. Stained. Carnage seeped through the once pristine, ivory white paper. Brown. Rusty red. Some old. Some new. And to the side, near the top, a lonely spot of green that smelled faintly of grass. That little green blotch captivated Kouga, until he awoke to find himself lifting the weapon from the ground, closing the folds and tucking it carefully into his belt. He ran after her.

The path was easy enough to follow, filled with broken branches and the salty tinge of sweat. He stopped at the tree line and looked down on the river. She stood there, waist deep, the spider scar etched vividly on her back. Moist, raven strands clung to her bare shoulders, giving the atmosphere an almost alluring feel. The mood was broken by the heavy aroma of blood in the air. Kouga suppressed a startled gasp as the reality of her motions hit him.

She was hurting herself.

Kagura ducked under the surface, great pockets of air bubbling up, followed by muffled sound. Kouga knew she was screaming. An unwanted emotion began to eat away at his resolve, tearing apart his intentions like crusty, day-old bread. The very thought of striking her down now seemed just as immoral as it did when she lay exposed on the road. In fact, he began to wonder, just briefly, why he felt the need to end her life in the first place. She wasn’t coming up for air. The meaning of this was not lost on him.

He remembered her dance, trying desperately to rehash the image of his tribesmen clawing at him, drawing blood. Their movements jerky like marionettes on a string. Those eyes, blank as snow, forever burned in his psyche and above it all, a tempting red. This is why he hated her. This is why Kagura had to die. The simple mantra roared to a crescendo in his head.

Her scarred back floated in sight, barely covered by the lazy waves; rocking rhythmically with their steady, lapping currant. All sense of purpose left him then. 

Hence, the mighty youkai leader of the wolf tribe found himself stroking a cozy fire, watching the fitful slumber of his slated enemy with a steadfast, cerulean gaze. 

_-Through these eyes  
It looks like I’m home tonight-_

She had been a bad girl.

The thought seemed inanely childish to her, but fitting nonetheless. It was nothing new; the feelings arose many times over her bids for freedom long ago. The foundling presence of morality only increased the rate of these occurrences: comparison being on the ratio of a child frightened over a parent discovering the lie versus a woman worried over the consequences paid for that lie. Either way, punishment was without option. 

A presence shifted above her. She shuttered, withdrawing into herself, preparing for the inevitable pain. _He_ always got her in the end. 

It never came.

Kagura opened her eyes. Red met intense blue. Kouga leered over her, staring intently, black hair falling casually over broad shoulders. If not for her past and the emotions associated with it, Kagura might have found the whole experience rather erotic. As it was, her mind was set on the expectation of punishment and, as far as she was concerned, all signs of sex led to that inevitable result. 

Claws raked out as a feminine scream pierced the night.

_-Left for dead  
As you sweep off the floor-_

Kouga fell back, surprised not for the first time that night. He had been studying her, trying to figure out his actions, creeping closer and closer, until he was practically on top of the unconscious figure. Questions tormented him. Why did he care about this woman? This cruel, beautiful woman. Her eyes snapped open searching his with a hauntingly familiar perplexity. Again, he saw the fear. _What was she afraid of?_

The proud youkai fingered his breastplate in shock. Her wipe swipe barely dinged the polished surface, but his head still rung with confusion. She scurried back on clumsy knees, everything about her posture screaming violation. What had he done?

“The Hell was that for, bitch?!” 

She hissed in response. His hackles rose at the animalistic sound, so primal, the raw emotion expressed more vividly than mere words could do justice. She attempted to stand afterwards, to put herself on a plain of security, but ended up tripping over her messily wrapped yukata, succeeding only in placing herself in a more sorry state. Her eyes widened as she realized that she was indeed clothed.

Kouga observed the strange behavior with creased brow. Her shock left him open to ask the one question he never imagined demanding of her.

“Why did you try to kill yourself?”

Her expression grew slack. The wolf suppressed an urge to smile, relieved that at least all her actions weren’t completely unpredictable. Her response would have him eating those words.

“What gave you that idea?” 

He watched her eyes harden through paralysis. Her body straightened. He could see the wall rising, brick by brick.

“I have no desire to end my life. Aren’t you here to kill me yourself?”

His head jolted at her words. She was right. Still, he questioned her.

“You didn’t come up for air. Don’t give me that bullshit.” 

“Why are you doing this?!” she shrieked, scooting further away from him and clutching her head. Dark tangles weeded through her fingers. “You’re not making any sense! Why aren’t you attacking me?!” 

“Do you want me too?!” he roared, standing to tower over her. “I’ll rip your throat out right now if you dare me to!” 

He stepped back when she started shaking. Despite the overwhelming fear rolling off her scent, she sat tall, almost proud. He could see it for what it was now, the infamous “tough-guy” act. He had used the defense many times himself.

“Do you really think I’m heartless enough to kill someone on their knees? Even you?” he tossed his head and snorted. She visibly flinched. “You haven’t answered my question.” 

“Why do you care?” she spat, practically growling like a cornered animal.

“Humor me,” he shot back, infuriating her with his cocky tone. 

“Why should I? You’ve made no secret of your desire for revenge and, to top it off, you accuse me of suicide!” 

“Why didn’t you come up for air?” 

_-Things we said  
We don’t need anymore-_

“I...” she felt something inside break. She yearned for understanding, someone to unload herself on; Kikyou seemed so long ago. But this man wished for her death, she wasn’t that broken. Not yet. She had to escape. 

“Well?”

He was impatient, not surprising, really, considering his nature. But what could she possibly say? Then it hit her.

“I... I almost killed myself,” she whispered.

“No shit,” Kouga scoffed. Kagura jumped. She had almost forgotten he was there.

“B... but I didn’t want to! I wasn’t trying to,” the words fell dead on her tongue. The reality was harsh, and Kouga couldn’t possibly offer the understanding she craved. It was so peaceful; she just wanted to stay like that a little longer. She wasn’t stupid, she knew her actions would result in death, but it never occurred to her in that pivotal moment that she would actually die. 

“Peaceful?” the wolf questioned with a lift to his eyebrow. Kagura clapped slender fingers against her lips, realizing she had spoken some of her thoughts aloud. Where had she picked up that annoying habit, anyway? “Now who’s not making sense, woman?” 

“If you’re not going to kill me, just leave me alone!” she screamed, falling back into defense mode. “It makes sense to me and that’s all that matters! It’s none of your damn business! It never was!”

“I decide my own business,” Kouga snapped. “You are no one to judge.”

“Don’t play the saint with me,” Kagura responded icily. It was happening again: words spilled from her mouth like the plague. She couldn’t stop if she wanted too. She was just an observer at this point. “You followed me here didn’t you? Why else would you be here? You never sought out my company before. Well? What now? Were you planning to slit my throat in my sleep? Or perhaps you were waiting for that one special moment of helplessness to make it all worthwhile? You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?” a bitter laugh escaped. “So much for honor, eh wolf? Or is that the reason you failed? How pathetic.” 

Before she could even blink, a clawed hand grabbed her throat and lifted her body off the ground. 

_-Tear inside her  
Like a fallen coward-_

Kouga was very angry. He held Kagura high, enjoying the choking noises, the desperate gasps for air. Her pain satisfied him, lessened the sting of failure, the failures she so brutally threw in his face with the mere sound of her voice. He wanted to watch her skin turn blue, hear the bones in her neck crack; he wanted his ears to ring with that final bloodcurdling scream. This was revenge, sweet and simple, and he basked in every minute of it.

She was crying. Even without the aid of smell, he could see the salty drops collecting on her lashes, spilling over to fall listlessly to the earth. She grasped him with weakened arms. He gazed into desperate ruby eyes with all the malice, all the glory, he could muster and saw his reflection. 

He dropped her. 

Cerulean blue glazed over in shock as Kagura crumpled, wiping furiously at her face with closed fists. Kouga knew what he saw and it could only be called sadistic. He enjoyed squeezing the life out of her, took pride in it, his face twisted in a look of confidence and pleasure. 

The roles had been reversed. Nearly a year ago, she had been the one smiling as he suffered. He remembered the proud lift of her chin, exposing slender white sinew to tease him. Her fan would unfold, bringing that brow-ticking little twitch of the lips before her winds accosted him. He would reach out to her, invisible blades piercing his skin, pushing him back, as he cried her name in retribution. Back then, she had laughed at his attempts, and now, he realized, he wouldn’t hesitate to do the same. 

He had become the enemy. And he hated himself for it. 

“Am I really that weak inside?” he whispered.

_-Through these eyes_  
 _I deny on all I see  
Obscured-_

Kagura peaked at the youkai prince standing over her. She felt dirty, her skin soiled, clothes and hair disarrayed. But most of all, she could still feel his muscular hands choking her, hurting her, just like Naraku did. She had done him a great injustice, and now she was being punished. She deserved it, she knew that, but that didn’t mean she had to accept it. A voice told her to fight back, a strong voice she vaguely recalled from days long past. But she felt so feeble-

“Am I really that weak inside?”

His question caught her off guard. How could he call himself weak? She was the one curled at his feet. Didn’t he know he was winning? 

“Get up.”

Her head snapped up to meet his gaze. He was glaring at her with an emotionless sort of detachment. She didn’t know how to respond. Instead, she bowed her head in a distinctly submissive gesture, hoping he would be satisfied. 

“Didn’t you hear me, woman? I said get up!” 

He grabbed her arm and jerked. The movement was rough and jarring, but not intentionally painful. When the wolf let go, she stumbled to regain balance on her feet. The weakness in her limbs did nothing to help. 

“And you call yourself youkai,” he snorted at her pitiful display. The steadying hands on her shoulders quickly melted the anger into shock.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” she exclaimed, tripping backwards and nearly falling flat on her rear. 

“Helping you up, since it’s obvious you can’t do it yourself.”

“Go to Hell!” Kagura screamed. “I don’t need your false pity!” 

He smirked and tossed his black ponytail haughtily. “I don’t think you’re in any condition to look a gift horse in the mouth.” 

His actions enraged Kagura. He was playing games, that was the only explanation, and she didn’t like it one bit. Her emotions were strung high enough as it was. 

“You manipulative bastard,” she hissed. “You’re no different. I’m not some goddamn puppet that dances at your whims! If you’re not going to be straight with me, then leave me with whatever peace I have left to me!”

The puzzled quirk of his eyebrows lifted as if some stray thought finally dawned on him. The smirk returned and he looked her straight in the eye. She felt the familiar fear nagging. 

“I think I’m gonna keep my eye on you for a while,” he proposed.

“What?” 

“Congratulations,” he grinned, apparently pleased with the reaction he got out of her. “You just got yourself a new travel partner.” 

“NO!” she protested vehemently. “How stupid do you think I am?! What are you playing at?!” 

“I swore to kill Kagura,” he began. “But you’re... different somehow. So, I’ve decided I’m gonna sum up your worth. See if you really deserve my forgiveness.” 

“Of course I don’t deserve it, you idiot!” she shrieked without thinking. 

“You do know you just cemented my decision with that little outburst.” 

“You can’t do this,” Kagura fumed. “I won’t let you follow me around like a dog. I don’t trust you not to pull something.”

“I’ve been following you for days. You’ve been unconscious in front of me twice. If I was gonna do something like that, you’d be dead by now. Unless you’ve got something to hide?” he cracked his knuckles menacingly.

She pressed her lips together, unable to answer. She had plenty of things to hide, just not in the manner he was thinking. Fear was bubbling up inside her and it was getting harder and harder to keep the boiling waters from spilling over the pot. Fear, she learned, was the ultimate enemy and it was a hard lesson learned indeed. Naraku practically fed off the emotion; the more violently she reacted to him, the more pleasure he gained and the longer the episode. She found no example to make her think any differently. Thus, she concluded that Kouga must never find out just how much his presence unnerved her. It was a matter of life and death. 

“Well, I’ve made up my mind,” the wolf piped up, snapping Kagura out of her revere. “You just have to deal with it.” 

_-Through these eyes  
Looks like I’m home tonight-_

Kouga felt victorious. He had found a solution and the heavy weight of conflict had been lifted from his shoulders. He watched Kagura with a lighter heart as she hurriedly tried to straighten her clothes, summoning as much dignity as she could muster, given the circumstances. Now he could observe her out in the open, no more hiding, no more slinking through shadows. He certainly couldn’t dismiss the newfound liberation. 

When the elemental could finally walk without tripping over herself, she rushed over to her pack and fumbled with the ties. She cursed when her claws ripped the cloth and eventually threw the mess back to the ground, “hmph”ing and folding her baggy sleeves in annoyance. 

Kouga found the whole scene quite amusing.

“What’s so damn funny?!”

“Nothing,” Kouga chuckled, walking around the fire he lit and settling down near a tree opposite her. “Nothing at all.”

“You’re... you’re not staying here,” she stuttered.

“I thought we already went through this,” he sighed, leaning back against the trunk. “And, as I remember it, I won.” 

“You didn’t win anything, wolf. Get away from me.”

“Might as well make yourself comfortable, place’s as good as any to spend the night,” he replied, ignoring her.

“Goddamn you!” Kagura grabbed her pack, holding the ties closed with one hand. 

“Leaving so soon?” Kouga questioned after her retreat. “It’s past dark.”

“I don’t care!” Kagura threw over her shoulder before the night engulfed her. Kouga sighed wriggling against the rough bark to make himself more comfortable. She wouldn’t go too far; he’d catch up to her in the morning. 

However, something about Kagura disturbed him deeply, and he had a gut feeling it had to do with the fear she tried (and failed) to hide. It didn’t make sense. He could understand him to an extent, but why did she fear those humans? Even as far as to kill helpless children? She abandoned her only real weapon in a fit of hysteria. What happened to the cocky warrior he could hate in peace?

Deciding these questions were better left for tomorrow, the wolf let his eyelids droop and gave in to restless sleep.

_-What you said  
Made a mess of me-_

As soon as she was sure Kouga couldn’t see her, Kagura broke into a run. Pebbles dug deep into the ball and heel of her bare feet. She stumbled, hit and bruised by low branches. She didn’t slow until his scent was gone, too far away to torment her. Eventually, she fell to her knees, exhausted. 

The trees towered over her like silent sentinels. The sounds of the night rang through her ears, chasing the nightmares away with their presence. She flopped to the ground, nuzzling the earth, taking in the comforting smell of moist dirt: of life.

After a few minutes, the wind user rolled onto her back to watch the sky. She wouldn’t sleep, not with Kouga out there, not after displaying such weakness in front of him. 

The stars shone brightly through the dark, a beacon of hope to her battered soul. For two years she survived Naraku and his devices. For five months she traveled alone, living off her own integrity. Kagura wasn’t about to die after all that. Her suffering, her sacrifices- she wanted to believe they weren’t in vain.

But she had dealt out her own share of misery as well. The wolf prince’s vendetta was not without merit. And wasn’t it only today that she had cut down an innocent child? Didn’t the instinct to kill rise every time that debilitating fear consumed her? Was it her destiny to always be the killer? 

_No,_ she had been his victim. That experience still haunted her and Kagura knew, depressing as the knowledge was, that it would never go away. His touch was forever ingrained in her nightmares and deepest fears. The most she could hope for was to push forward and move on, despite her hesitation. She only hoped it was possible to get that far. Hope was the only thing left to her in this existence. But one thing was certain; she never intended to be the victim again, be it Naraku or Kouga.

_Never._

“Are we born for life or death?” 

The question floated through her mind as she watched the sun rise. Light filled her vision as the stars faded away: a metaphor for her sanity, she thought with a snort. Reluctantly, she pushed herself off the ground. Time to move on again.

“Oi.”

The voice of that infernal wolf. She tensed. He had followed her, not shocking in the least, but still startling. She didn’t sense him at all. Didn’t hear a thing. That, more than anything, scared her. 

Something solid whistled through the air. Heading straight for her. It was going to hit her! She whirled around without a second thought to intercept the object with her hand.

And caught her fan.

Surprised, the wind witch turned skeptical eyes on Kouga, standing before her in all his glory. He tossed his head vainly and smirked in typical male fashion. She took a step back as the old panic resurfaced. 

“What do you say we make a deal,” he drawled lazily. “I’ll trust you with my life and you trust me with yours.”

“I could never trust you,” she responded stiffly.

“Then we’re even.”

He walked ahead of her as she stood in shock, “Well? Are you coming?”

“I’m never going to get rid of you, am I?” she muttered in annoyance.

“Glad you figured that out. Now come on, let’s get going.”

As she saw it, Kagura had two choices. One: follow Kouga and possibly escape his revenge or, most likely, be killed later on. Two: continue provoking him and die now. He saw her weakness last night. He knew he could overpower her easily, so, she fell back on her old mindset. The art of how to choose the lesser of two evils. 

“My God, woman! Do I have to carry you?!”

“No!” Kagura answered in a rush. He smiled when she began to follow him and turned back to the road leaving her to brood quietly in the dust.

She kept a firm grip on her fan the entire time.

_-What you said_  
 _I don’t want  
Obscured-_

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

TBC...


	5. Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey (and awkward reconciliation) begin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _-song lyrics-_

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

_-Quiet, I am sleeping_  
 _In here_  
 _We need a little hope-_

Step. Pant. Step. Pant.

Kouga ran, surging with shard-like speed through maze after maze of thick trunks. The woodsy smell of old forest and budding life invaded his nostrils at every bound, filling his lungs, cooling tender flesh that burned with barely contained excitement. Adrenaline raced savagely through his veins, heart pumping wildly in response to the primitive high. With a great heave he sprung skyward; firm muscle coiled and released beneath bronze skin, sending pulses of exhilarating heat coursing through his body. He relished the chill air as it slapped against his face, leaving enticing pinpricks to dance across the surface in its wake.

Calloused feet hit the ground and immediately bolted. Not once did he stop for a moment’s breath. The seductive whisper of wind across elfin ears called to him, gentle and demanding like a lost lover’s welcome caress. A triumphant howl tore from the youkai’s throat as he barreled through a wall of heavy brush and whizzed down the grassy slope beyond. For the first time since the loss of his Shikon shards, since returning to his decimated tribe, Kouga felt completely and utterly free. 

Swish.

A twinge of pain laced up Kouga’s right bicep. He brought a hand to the wound quickly and met with the slick dampness of his own blood. 

Swish. Swish! 

His left thigh and right shoulder. Kouga came to an abrupt stop. He barely had time to register shock before the wolf found himself crouching instinctively, poised for oncoming attack. 

Swish!

His left shoulder.

Swish!

His right bicep again.

Swish!

The newly injured knee buckled slighted as Kouga whirled around, franticly searching for his assailant. There was no foreign scent, no signs of anyone other than himself nearby. His only clue was the…

Swish!

Kouga veered to the left, only to be caught on the right, just under his ribcage. He gasped as coppery liquid dripped down his side, stumbling to one knee, stunned. That one had pierced right through his armor!

Again, the noise came. Scarlet trickled slowly down his calf, staining brown fur mahogany before falling to the ground in fat drops. There was no escape. Lacerations continued to etch themselves along his body. The atmosphere reeked of blood. The only warning: that ominous ‘swish.’ 

It was almost as if the wind itself was attacking him.

Realization dawned on Kouga and an anger born of brewing hatred consumed him. He could picture it so clearly: lustful ruby eyes, pristine silk kimono, elegantly knotted hair. Bitterly, he wondered if she was laughing at him. 

Swish!

He screamed as the air-blade raked across his chest; tearing through metal, ripping apart flesh, though the nerve sensation seemed oddly dulled. More like the dim distance of remembered phantom pain than actual feeling. This strange observation fuzzed out with the rest of his thoughts as he fell, dizzy from blood loss. Hard ground slammed the last bit of breath out of Kouga’s body and he couldn’t help but grin at the irony.

It seemed Kagura got him in the end after all. 

_-For years I’ve been sleeping_  
 _Helpless_  
 _Couldn’t tell a soul-_

Kouga jerked awake, panting, covered in a cold sweat. Tentatively, he reached a shaking hand to the large gash across his chest. Rough fingers brushed smooth skin and slightly wrinkled fabric. He sighed with relief. Nothing but a dream. 

A soft rustle alerted him. The wolf shifted, gazing across a dying campfire into the glowing red eyes of his companion. But these eyes were very different from the ones pictured in his dream; they were dull, and rimmed with rings of black. 

“What’re you doing up?” Kagura snapped. 

“Same to you,” Kouga shot back, wiping the salty moisture off his forehead backhanded. 

“Did the big, bad wolf have an itty bitty nightmare?” she sniggered.

Kouga growled in response, but only half-heartedly. Kagura seemed so hollow these days. Her words, while still scathing, had long lost their former bite. 

“Giving up already? That’s not like you.”

“What’s to argue? Yeah, I had a bad dream. Big fucking deal. Nothing more to see here so why don’t you be a good girl and get back to sleep,” he turned his back and laid down in a huff. 

Kagura snorted with contempt but held her tongue, a surprising end considering how cranky she’d been most of the day. Kouga listened as she settled between the roots of a fallen tree, snuggling back with a content sigh. His hard eyes narrowed as answers clicked to questions he’d only been able to guess at until now: her breath remained regular and even.

A stir of troubled feelings churned deep in the pit of his stomach then, and, try as he might, the wayward prince couldn’t bring himself to ignore it. Three days they had traveled together, side by side, through deep woods and isolated forest paths. Ideally, the trip should have been an uneventful one (albeit a bit tense), but the journey had turned out to be more then Kouga bargained for. Much more.

Kagura was unraveling fast. Her nervous habits, which at first seemed customary given their history, had quickly escalated into full-blown paranoia. Constantly, the drill of her stare dug deep into his back. She always walked behind him, never ahead or besides, and her fan appeared clenched between white knuckles more oft than tucked away. Even now the elemental held her weapon: cradled delicately against her fluttering breast. But these signs weren’t what really bothered him. Yesterday, he had been shocked to notice the now prominent bags under her eyes. The wolf knew for a fact that most lesser youkai could go a week without sleep before physical symptoms started to show (he himself could go more than two); if Kagura was already showing signs, she must have been short on sleep before they crossed paths. Ideas on why she might not be sleeping left him with a sick sensation he couldn’t quite explain. 

And then there was the fear: a strong musk that clung to her like a second skin. The clotting stench never seemed to go away, enveloping his nose without respite. By the end of their first day, Kouga was shocked to discover himself constantly walking on eggshells, acting as if she were some delicate china doll poised to shatter at the slightest provocation.

Right, he mentally snorted, as if the wind bitch were really that fragile.

Immediately her bare back flashed across his vision: spider scar carved deep into the flesh and raw pink like an open wound, bobbing languidly just beneath the water’s surface. Next he saw her eyes, a lackluster red framed by an ashen face as she struck out in blind terror. She had changed almost beyond recognition. Even her dress had been drastically altered. Already, the wolf found himself associating the two Kaguras as completely different people. 

That was the reason he accompanied her though, wasn’t it? To prove the frail woman his enemy had become was worthy of forgiveness. But the more Kouga thought on the frightened creature boring twin holes between his shoulder blades, the more he felt his purpose went beyond simple absolution.

_-Be ashamed of the mess you made_  
 _My eyes never forget, you see_  
 _Behind me-_

Kagura watched warily as the prince took his sweet time falling asleep. Finally, after many long moments of clutching raised knees, a light snore broke her guard. She sagged with relief. Now alone in consciousness, ire replaced her earlier fear.

The nerve of him! She thought angrily, scaring her like that. Kouga’s loud gasp as he forced himself awake had made her blood run cold in ways she’d rather not imagine. Even now, her poor heart still pounded mercilessly, a veritable barrage against her battered ribcage. She hated it: how he played her emotions like a plucked string on a badly tuned shamisen. How he held so much power over her without even realizing it. She prayed fervently he never found out. She dreaded that day more than anything else. 

Her only hope was that he’d kill her then. He could do so much worse... 

A smoldering ember popped loudly, warding off the slew of morbid images threatening to consume her. Looking for a (any) distraction, Kagura turned her listless gaze to the horizon, staring vacantly as faint pink color began outlining the trees. 

Days of living in constant fear had drained Kagura. She no longer possessed the energy to keep up appearances like she used to. The discoloration above her sharp cheekbones was hardly lost on her. She never styled her hair beyond a functional ponytail since setting out on her own, but now she didn’t even bother to comb out tangles. What was the point? Perhaps, she mused somewhat sardonically, dying senselessly along the riverbed wouldn’t have been such a horrible fate. 

An old, familiar voice hissed in contempt at her thoughts. How could she even consider such a notion? After everything she suffered, was the free wind just going to lie down and give up? Didn’t she earn her chance at a future? Kagura knew the answer, but she honestly wasn’t sure she had the willpower to believe so much longer. 

The night sky slowly faded to blue as the elemental’s eyes shifted to the silhouette of her unwanted companion. He was the cause of her turmoil. The reason she didn’t… couldn’t sleep. She wished with all her being to hate him as passionately as he did her. To place all the blame on him for her own peace of mind. Unfortunately, the annoying aspects of her heart got in the way. The meaningless slaughter of his people now haunted her regularly alongside her own personal demons. 

At least, Kagura assured herself with a sarcastic air, her current torment kept images of Naraku at bay. As she waited for sunrise, listening for the stirrings of a rousing wolf, she couldn’t help but feel life had played a terribly cruel trick on her. She chuckled aloud.

Who would have thought the path to forgetting her past might cost her sanity?

_-Silent, metal mercies  
Castrate boys to the bone-_

“There’s a village not too far ahead,” Kouga threw casually over his shoulder. He’d discovered recently that the best way to keep tension from eating him alive was to ignore it altogether.

“Mm,” his companion acquiesced. The wolf youkai could hear a creaking cry of help issue from the wooden spine of her fan. The wind sorceress herself spoke no more on the matter. 

He suppressed a dejected sigh. Yet another attempt to coax his company out of silence had failed miserably. Kouga knew Kagura had sensed the settlement nearby (she was youkai after all) but had opened his mouth in anticipation of getting even a smidgen of chatter for his effort. 

Their morning had started unremarkably similar to the past three: he woke to find her already awake, extinguished the fire’s remains, then they began walking with an unofficially established quiet. He wasn’t suited for a lonely nomadic life, the prince decided, and for all the lack of interaction between them, he might as well be traveling alone. 

Kouga wasn’t used to solitude; the feeling left him uneasy. As a wolf youkai, he had grown up amidst a large pack and had never been without playmates in childhood. Peers surrounded him as an adult and during the search for Naraku, Ginta and Hakkaku usually accompanied him. Though she remained a disputed enemy, he would have done anything at that moment for the elemental to offer more than noncommittal sounds. 

“We could gather some things in town if you want,” the wolf continued persistently. “You need a new kimono or something, right? To replace the one that got ruined by the river?”

“I’m fine,” Kagura shot through pursed lips. 

“You sure?” Kouga pressed, a bit giddy over his small success.

“Un,” and the conversation officially died.

“Well, I’m going into town to pick a few things up… so if you wanted,” he rambled with the affect of kicking a limp horse. The whole ordeal seemed pretty fruitless, he wondered grudgingly if he shouldn’t just drop the subject entirely.

“No!” 

Kouga halted abruptly at her forceful exclamation. He turned to find she had stopped as well, and her complexion rivaled that of ivory. Framed crimson eyes rose to meet his with unspeakable dread. 

“I… I’m not going,” the wind sorceress stuttered before regaining her composure. “It’s just a stupid little village of humans, anyway. They probably don’t have anything of good use.”

“You’d be surprised,” Kouga quirked a dark eyebrow at her odd behavior. He didn’t understand why she’d be so adamant about entering a small town for supplies. The venture seemed rather mundane to him. “This isn’t exactly a deserted road you know, and it runs straight through the village. Humans may be weak but they’re not stupid. I’m sure they’ve made some industry out of trade.”

“Well, I’m going around,” Kagura sniffed. “You can go on if you like, nothing’s stopping you.”

“Fine then, I’ll meet you on the other side,” he declared, pride refusing to let him back down. He stomped off resolutely, trying in vain to ignore the sense of defeat that suddenly overwhelmed him.

“Don’t count on it!” the equally stubborn woman yelled after his back. Moments later, Kouga heard a distant rustle as she made good on her words to cut through the forest.

“Me and my big mouth,” the wolf sighed, brilliant blue irises fixed on the clear sky. “Looks like I’ll have to go get something in that village now.”

_-Jesus, are you listening_  
 _Up there_  
 _To anyone at all?-_

The welcome he received wasn’t unexpected, though Kouga still found the customary reaction quite tiresome. 

“Youkai!”

“Everybody! Run!”

Women shrieked, children wailed, and his poor, overtly sensitive hearing was thoroughly traumatized. Shouts were accompanied by the sight of every able-bodied man quickly grabbing the nearest viable weapon; usually a farm tool of some sort (Kouga noted humorously that pitchforks seemed popular today). Immediately, the humans set up a defense line, enraged fire burning in their eyes as farmers obviously not trained in combat poised to drive him away. The wolf groaned at their awkward display, slapping an open palm to his forehead in standard exasperated gesture. Now, the fun part: convincing the terrified villagers he meant them no harm.

“So… now they’re sending the big fry, eh?” one of the bolder, and more muscular, men jeered. Kouga lowered his hands at the odd comment. Big fry? What was he talking about? 

“Shut up, Jiro!” a bearded, middle-aged man snapped. “Don’t provoke him! He might send for… the others.” 

Others? Now the youkai’s curiosity had been peaked. Nostrils flared, deep cerulean narrowed, and elfin ears strained as he took full stock of his surroundings. Several tense seconds passed while his audience shifted nervously, waiting on tenterhooks to see who would make the first move. Finally, Kouga paused: he turned to face the older man (the rest gave a violent flinch) but didn’t relax his stance. Something was definitely wrong here.

The road he stood on ran roughly northeast, straight through the village center. Inns and craftsman’s shops dominated the bordering area, a predictable set-up, with various homes branching out in an organized sprawl. Eastward, the wolf prince smelled the slightly stagnate stench of irrigated water. The whistle downwind over rice patties, alongside the villager’s overwhelming weapon of choice, confirmed his suspicions of a strong farming community. 

So why would people who depended so much on the land try to force him out over their fields? 

Clumsy soldiers they may be, but a blind idiot could tell the men were following a set strategy. Weaker residents had simultaneously fled west and makeshift fighters responded quickly in time. The curved line they spread before him left no doubt as to which direction they expected him to escape. 

“I think,” Kouga began, startling his would-be assailants. “I think we might have a little misunderstanding here. What others are you talking about? As far as I know, none of my pack have traveled this far… at least, not recently.”

“That’s a load of bull if I ever…”

“Jiro!” the leader silenced his obnoxious peer with a well placed glare. Spinning slowly, he turned to face Kouga with a stern expression. “Answer me honestly, youkai,” Jiro snorted in the background, “are you or are you not with the rabbit colony that’s been terrorizing us from the eastern hills?”

A single cicada had the nerve to chirp in the resulting quiet. Completely baffled, the prince choked on a stutter as his human interrogators cowered at the odd reaction. Nearly half a minute passed, stretching across their tentative stalemate, when the elder’s words finally managed to penetrate the wolf’s thick skull. Indignation swelled into a massive wave, gaining momentum as it rolled over his chest before curling to a final, enraged crash on the tip of his tongue.

“Do I look like a fucking bunny rabbit to you?!”

Farm weapons clattered noisily as men raised them with stereotypically ill-coordinated menace. Kouga grimaced at their sorry display, already filing away his little outburst as not-one-of-the-smarter moves made during his lifetime. All remaining dregs of self-righteous anger dissipated instantly as he realized just how much more difficult he’d probably made the situation. 

“Stop!” the bearded man’s command stilled his impromptu ranks, surprising both parties. Once more, he turned to confront the lone warrior. “If you’re not with the rabbits… then answer me this, youkai, what brings you to such a humble village?”

“Yes, what reason could a youkai possibly have to enter our village.” 

“Jiro! We will discuss this later,” the elder hissed. 

“I don’t want to cause any trouble here,” Kouga interjected, raising his hands in allusion to surrender. “I’m just passing through… and my companion needed another kimono. I’d be willing to offer a service in exchange,” the brilliant idea hit him as he talked. Kagome would have been proud. “Maybe take care of those youkai who’ve been bothering you?”

Silence descended as the humans threw each other skeptical glances, several whispering words of doubt, which (Kouga assumed) they believed he couldn’t hear. Still, all eyes were on the elder as he stroked his peppered beard thoughtfully, liquid brown squinted in concentration while the crowd around him waited with bated breath. 

“Well,” eager ears leaned forward as he prepared to voice his long-awaited conclusion. “It doesn’t seem like either of us has much to lose from this deal. Is the one kimono all you need?” 

“Maybe two,” Kouga amended, thinking ahead a bit. After all, having to endure this chore again anytime soon was extremely low on his priority list. 

“And what’s to stop you from turning around and attacking us?”

“Look, old man,” the youkai sighed, his short patience starting to wear thin. “I don’t have a reason or any desire to level your precious village. If I did, not only would I bring ally fighters with me, I definitely would have done it by now. I gave you my word… I will put an end to your little rabbit problem in exchange for two kimonos. Is that a fair trade?” 

“Right! Like we can trust your word!” Jiro chose that precise moment to add his two cents. “For all we know, you youkai are all in cahoots together!” 

“Do you have some kind of death wish?!” Kouga snapped, thoroughly fed up. The abrasive youth cowered as makeshift weapons clanged predictably in his defense. “Any other self-respecting youkai would have struck you down by now for your insolence. You’re lucky I happen to be more generous… and now if you don’t mind,” he turned back to the elder. “I believe we were talking business.” 

“Y… yes,” the human leader stuttered, his earlier bravado seeming to slip away. Jiro (for once) kept his mouth shut as the man turned, gesturing for the irritated youkai to follow. “This way. There’s a merchant down the road who sells lovely kimono.”

Kouga nodded curtly, trailing briskly after his reluctant guide. He decidedly ignored the others who remained stiffly at attention, knees wobbly and grips shaky. However, the prince found himself quite unable to suppress an amused sneer as he passed. 

_-We are the fossils_  
 _The relics of our time_  
 _We mutilate the meanings so they’re easy to deny-_

The whole operation turned out to be pretty straight forward from that point on, much to Kouga’s relief. He walked behind the elder a short distance through town, pretending not to notice the dirty children’s faces or sunken eyes that peeked at him apprehensively from every window ledge and doormat. Signs of a community living in constant fear. Sighing regretfully, the wolf berated himself for adding to their anxiety in his short-tempered haste. Kagome would have expected better of him. 

“Here.”

He stopped short, examining the simple stall in front of him with critical eyes. A balding merchant had stepped forward at their approach, bowing deeply in greeting before proceeding to pull out his finest wares. Kouga immediately noted the richer color and quality of his clothing. An all-too-familiar musky stench spiked through the youkai’s nose and he found himself inwardly respecting the man’s flawless professionalism. Thought the merchant feared him like everyone else, he showed no outward signs of it. 

“Do any of these strike your fancy?” the salesman spoke without faltering, gesturing broadly toward his elaborate display. “I purchase kimono spun out of only the finest silk… and as for embroidery… these were stitched with a real artist’s touch. You’ll be hard pressed to find any better… even in the markets of Kyoto.” 

“Yes, these seem fine,” Kouga lifted a clawed hand to his chin in contemplation. “’Little too fine. Do you have anything better suited for travel?” 

“Certainly,” the merchant shuffled away cautiously, returning quickly with a veritable rainbow of cloth spilling over his stubby arms. “I provide many everyday kimono. Do you have a specific color in mind?” 

The overwhelmed prince simply stared as lines of plain, pattern-less garments were spread before him. Both mortals observed him warily, trying desperately to gage a verdict from his suddenly blank expression. Perhaps it was just their imagination… but was that thin sheen a layer of sweat along his tan brow?

Little did they know of Kouga’s vicious internal dilemma. He stood stone still, wild blue irises darting from sunny yellow to bright violet in total panic. A single drop slid the length of his face, coming to a brief rest at the edge of his sharp jaw before dripping down to the dusty ground below. Which color should he pick? Did Kagura have a preference? Would she even care about something like that? Of course she would, he mentally snorted; she was a woman after all. But that answer hardly solved his impromptu debate. Air whistled audibly through the wolf’s nostrils, poorly suppressing another aggravated sigh. This certainly was a challenge he hadn’t anticipated. 

“Are these to your standard?” 

The bald man received a quick head jerk in response. He and the bearded leader exchanged a brief, questioning glance afterwards.

Catching the subtle motion out of the corner of his eye, Kouga suddenly felt very embarrassed. Why was he making such a spectacle over this? Even the humans had noticed. What was so important about the color of a stupid traveling kimono, anyway? 

And, he reminded himself, why should he care whether Kagura liked the color he picked or not? He owed her nothing… really. This was just a self-imposed favor and nothing more. She should feel grateful he was getting her anything at all, and he’d certainly say so out loud if she dared utter a single complaint (completely ignoring the fact she had never asked in the first place, of course.) 

“That one,” he gestured blindly to his left, only seeing that he had pointed out a soft lavender shade when the merchant pulled it aside. The color would look good on her, Kouga thought approvingly, before berating himself for the slip. He didn’t know which was worse: his worry over Kagura’s opinion or physical admiration of her. His mind quickly validated the latter by assuring him that whether he considered the wind demon attractive or not did not change his smoldering hatred toward her. Besides, the wolf thought (attention returning to the stall,) he still had important matters to attend. 

The merchant stepped back, stretching out more casual garments, when something from the refuse pile caught Kouga’s eye. A lone silk sleeve: dyed vibrant sky blue and poking out inconspicuously from beneath a cluster of much darker fabrics. The drastic contrast only served to highlight the small swatch.

“That over there,” he pointed a clawed finger past the merchant’s shoulder. “Let me see it.”

“Those are made of fine Chinese silk,” the bald man informed. “Much more suitable for entertaining than to travel.”

“I want to see that one,” Kouga growled, nearly undoing the man’s calm exterior. Really, he snorted contemptuously, was second-guessing your customers the way all humans did business? 

“C… certainly.”

The kimono he held up was, simply put, beautiful. A swirl pattern had been stitched across the sleeves and shoulder in white thread, with hints of the same design lining the lower hem. Yellow triangles dotted the pseudo-cloudscape in an abstract imitation of sunbeams. Somehow, Kouga wasn’t sure how or why, the kimono seemed perfect. Like its subtle elegance had been envisioned with Kagura in mind.

He took it before logic had a chance to analyze his impulse. 

_-Be ashamed_  
 _Of the mess you've made_  
 _My eyes never forget, you see_  
 _Behind me-_

Kouga (kimonos wrapped tightly in a tied-parcel around his back) cut across the fields eastward, following his own deductions as well as the villager’s directions. Here, signs of youkai terror were everywhere. Whole swathes of land lay barren and drained among the lush rice paddies, the earth gored into as if swiped by abnormally large paws. He followed the disjointed path these patches created and wondered idly what reason the rabbits had for attacking in the first place. Probably territory for an expanding colony… damn things multiply like nobody’s business, the wolf thought before deciding that it really didn’t matter why. His job was to eradicate the problem. Any information not directly related to that goal was just a distraction.

Focusing back on the task at hand, Kouga jumped over to another muddy ditch: grimacing as the slimy mulch squelched between his toes. He hated paddy fields- couldn’t understand for the life of him why humans went to all the trouble of wet-field farming. Rice had nothing on a good chuck of fresh killed meat (in his opinion) and it seemed like far less work too. Of course, he’d witnessed men on hunts in the forest periodically, so he supposed there was some hope for the species yet. Even if they couldn’t handle a piddling threat like rabbit youkai without assistance.

Two more long leaps, and finally, he reached the irrigation dam separating fields from forest. Dead splintered trees littered the border, moss already beginning to form on the rotting wood. Remnants of a long past battle, then. The rabbits were clearly advancing. Kouga spared a brief moment to shake his head in disappointment before breaking through the tree line. There, surrounded by thick trunks and leafy branches overhead, he felt far more at ease than in those boggy wide-open fields. The deep, loamy smell revitalized him: reminded him of home. With a short strident howl and a joyful leap, he dashed onward, running along the barely noticeable tracks his prey had left. Eyes darted expertly between half-depressed paw prints, snapped twigs, and the occasional snagged tuff of fur. The wolf gave a predatory grin. He was in his element. 

However, in the end, those precise tracking skills he took such pride in were completely unnecessary. Barely thirty seconds after Kouga entered the woods a shrill animalistic cry (one even human ears would be able to hear for miles) hushed the surrounding wildlife. Gooseflesh prickled over his exposed skin as the air around him seemed to shift: nothing drastic as a complete directional wind change, but just enough to be noticeably different. A second screech, followed by an unnatural friction charge in the air, led the wolf prince straight to the rabbits’ burrow. He broke through the brush into a clearing of purposefully flattened grass and stopped at what he saw.

Twelve rabbit youkai, with tall furry humanoid bodies and lagomorph heads, stood atop a raised mound of dirt. They had adorned themselves with crude (obviously scavenged) mismatch-bits of samurai armor, through the coats they wore underneath were all the same faded shade of ocher red. Several fresh corpses lay scattered on the ground at the bottom of their little fortified hill: casualties of the current battle. Kouga absorbed all this information peripherally. His full attention had been taken by the lone figure attacking from the glade’s edge soon as he stepped through the bushes. 

Kagura, the fragile-as-glass woman he’d accompanied for days, was fighting one-on-twelve and winning. He watched awestruck as she flung out her right hand, fan already unfurled. Wind swirled around her, fluttering her sleeves ethereally as it flew forward to tear through the rabbits’ defense line in a puissant display of raw elemental force. More shrieks sounded as two fell, rolling down the small slope to join their dead brethren below. She flexed her weapon minutely, the winds stalling in place at their master’s command. 

Kouga could only stare as the maelstrom raged around him, motionless. This, he thought, was the Kagura he remembered: dangerous and brimming with all the confidence she was lacking on the road four days ago. She spun and released another volley, her ease of grace truly relating the act of fighting to the art of dance. She was… stunning. The wolf didn’t know why this observation brought him comfort in the wake of her earlier deterioration (wasn’t sure he was ready to analyze that particular elephant, to be honest). Instead, he contented himself with admiring her fluid skill. 

_-Quiet_  
 _I am sleeping_  
 _Quiet_  
 _I don't trust you_  
 _I can't hear you-_

The hypnotic moment ended by dastardly means. Two of the rabbits had, apparently, grown half-a-brain between them and snuck around through the tree line for a rear attack. Kagura never saw them. Kouga barely did.

“Cowards!” he cried out, incensed over such backhanded tactics. The wind elemental turned toward him, shock replacing her assured expression, and stumbled back a step as her stance was unexpectedly broken. Consequently, the lead rabbit’s spear slashed her shoulder open instead of jabbing through her throat. 

“Ah!” Kagura gasped in pain, dropping her fan as she clutched her wound reflexively. The lead rabbit regained his footing while the second swiped at her with a beat-up katana, missing as she ducked and fell to the earth. Frantically, she groped through dirt and brittle grass for her weapon, coppery liquid saturating her sleeve all the while. The muscles in her jaw had gone slack in an instant, the skin of her face pallid as fresh pig fat. Kouga’s proud, brutal beauty was gone; in her stead only the broken, frightened woman was left. And, just like before, he couldn’t leave it this way. The wolf prince jumped into battle. 

_-Be ashamed_  
 _Of the mess you've made_  
 _My eyes never forget, you see_  
 _Behind me-_

Entering the fray with a dramatic spin-kick, he knocked the drossy sword from its owner’s hand, and landed in a defensive pose before Kagura. The rabbit screamed, a faint red glow emanating from his beady eyes in rage. The former lead thrust forward with his spear then, in some misguided attempt to avenge his comrade’s disarming. Kouga dodged easily and a quick swipe of his claws took care of the rest. Both rabbits fell before he could even work up a sweat. 

Senses honed by bloodlust, his peripheral vision caught a familiar feminine figure rising just behind him: brandishing her fan as she covered his rear against approaching arrows from the group back at the mound. A sharp wind whistled, splintering the wooden shafts like kindling. The wolf turned to present a united front. They stood side by side, together, for the second time against a common enemy. Something kinetic seemed to buzz in the air between them then, and Kouga felt a thrilling rush. For the first time in months, he wanted to howl with reckless abandon. This is living, he thought; nothing made him feel quite so alive like the heat battle.

“Cover me!” he hollered, rushing forward. Kagura barely had time to register surprise before he was gone from her side. An excited yip unfroze the elemental’s brief stupor and she moved into place. She drove the air forward to aid the wolf’s speed even as she pushed his aggressors back. Wrapped inside a pressurized protective cocoon, Kouga didn’t have to think about anything but slipping between the currents to strike. A slash here, hack there, and swipe. Twice, he miscalculated a step- though the winds shifted quickly to accommodate him both times. Their fighting styles complimented each other’s perfectly: Kouga with his speed imitating the wind while Kagura carefully controlled the gale forces around him. A heady rush of victory (one he would probably over think later) filled him as the last enemy finally fell, throat slit and gurgling in the dirt. He stopped, head spinning to survey the final damages. In all, forty-three corpses lay scattered about the razed battlefield and (initial shoulder wound aside) they were relatively unscathed. He broke out in a fit of somewhat maniacal laughter then. The two of them were practically invincible! An adrenaline fueled grin split his face, the sticky wet sensation clinging to his hands ignored, as he whirled around to face his comrade-in-arms. 

Her eyes were still dull, but she threw an equally arrogant smirk right back. 

_-Behind me_  
 _The grace of falling snow_  
 _Cover up everything you know-_

“So, how did you get tangled up with those rabbits?” Kouga asked that evening across a well-stoked fire. Earlier, after their battle-high had wound down, both standing youkai left the cooling carcasses behind: putting several hours traveling time between them and death’s rot-reek. They set camp shortly after dark, beside a crescent-shaped outcropping of grey veined rock. The wolf had just finished telling his own side of the day’s events (unprompted, of course), handing over the wrapped kimono bundle somewhere in the middle. Kagura imitated a club-stunned fish for all of three seconds before vehemently declaring that she didn’t need his gift. She took it anyway. 

“How do you think?” the woman snorted in delayed reaction at his question. “I was cutting through the woods like I told you I would… minding my own business, when I ran into their little fortress-hill building project. They attacked first.”

“I see,” he sighed, leaning back against rough stone as the fire popped loudly. Lurid yellow sparks shot up into the night air between them. He glanced away, anywhere that wasn’t the sharp planes of his companion’s face, accented by flickering orange glow and shifting black shadows. Now, away from the luscious distraction of battle, his previous dilemma resurfaced. Kouga began this journey because he saw a different side of Kagura- couldn’t reconcile the heartless monster with the emotional wreck who nearly drowned herself. But, after today, his mind was reluctantly beginning to accept that things weren’t so black and white. There were never two Kaguras, just two opposites on the same coin; and, while (in the face of such complexity) the wolf prince couldn’t bring himself to completely hate her anymore, he wasn’t quite ready to forgive yet either. Maybe in time… he thought as he continued to sit in idle thought, appreciating the pleasant contrast of harsh heat and chilly night breezes against his skin. Their silences were still awkward, he noted several long minutes later, yet oddly not quite as stifling as before.

“So,” Kouga ventured nervously into an arena of previous failure. “Are those kimono to your liking?”

Kagura didn’t answer. He glanced sidelong at her, and quickly did a double take. She sat with her knees up and bare feet flat on the ground, arms wrapped tightly around her lower chest. The ever-present fan was tucked firmly into the crook of her elbow. But the wolf only observed these details peripherally. His blue eyes were riveted on the elemental’s chin, resting in the shallow nook of her collarbone, rising and falling with each slow steady breath. Long dark eyelashes fluttered slightly above high cheekbones as she inhaled deeply. Kouga simply watched her and smiled, aware an important milestone had been reached, even if he still didn’t fully grasp how monumental the moment was.

Kagura had fallen asleep. 

_-Come save me from the awful sound  
Of nothing-_

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

TBC...


End file.
